The Little Things In Life
by Cornmaize122
Summary: A year and a half since I died and my happy ending isn't all that happy. Plus, my darker side suddenly has a mind of its own. Good? Frag no. On top of that, I'm sparked up by a certain Mustang. Life just got more complicated, and EVERYTHING is changing.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers, sadly. *huddles under desk crying* _But_….. I do own Nicole, Taylor, and Willow. I DARE you to try and steal them without my permission. *gets shotgun*

Fanfiction screwed with my format. Damn it. Oh, and the song at the beginning of the last chapter of _Life and It's Not So Little Surprises _is Waiting For The End by Linkin Park, of course.

* * *

><p>Chapter 1:<p>

_Logging On:_

_Data Upload, complete._

_Dear stupid audio journal that is really pointless:_

_Barricade's ticked off at me._

_Like, BAD ticked off. Well, any form of Barricade being mad at me is bad, but…well, this is worse than usual. And all because I won't tell him what dreams – I mean, nightmares, that I've been having lately. He thinks it's a big deal. I don't._

_…Okay, so maybe waking up in the middle of the night screaming is a big deal._

_But, honestly, it's not my fault. I mean, I didn't ask for the damn title of AllSpark, did I? No._

_*sigh*Okay, so maybe I should be telling him what I'm dreaming about. But I don't want to. If I did, it'd just make him feel a thousand times worst than I know he already does. Another pointless thing; why the frag does he think it's his fault that I'm having nightmares?_

_But, anyways, he's been avoiding me, going as far as to take missions halfway around the world. And since I'm the oh-so-precious AllSpark, I have to stay at home._

_…I don't guess I blame them for being worried. If I had only one thing that could ensure the victory of the war and the continuation of my race, I'd want to keep it under lock and key, too._

_*sigh* But it's more than that. Despite the fact that I've proven over and over that I can take care of myself, even though I'm pint-sized, they're still worried about me getting hurt. Don't get me wrong, I love them all, but…they treat me like a teenager. Well, Ratchet and Prowl do at least. I get told to go to my quarters at least once a week still. Sure, I still act like a teenager and still look pretty young since I've officially stopped aging by human years, but I'm more mature about it, at least. I think. 'Mature' isn't a word I use a lot._

_Another thing: in the year and a half since I was resurrected, I've stayed the same. I don't look a day older that I was when I died. Taylor and Willow have aged. Not much, but I look younger than them. It scares me to think I'll see the day my best friends die and still look the same as I did when I died._

_I'm off topic, aren't I? Seems I've been doing that a lot lately. Back to what's bothering me so much._

_I've been dreaming about the Youth Sectors._

_It's…weird. The dreams always start out with a nice little scene: a youngling playing with friends, a caretaker feeding a sparkling, a creator coming to pick up their creation… And then it just turns dark. The Decepticons attack. Younglings, sparklings, caretakers, all killed ruthlessly. Graying frames littering a Youth Sector building that's been bombed. One particularly bad scene is of a dead femme curled around her dying youngling, the poor mechling slowly bleeding to deactivation while calling for his carrier._

_…And the worst part is…I see Barricade in the squadron sent to attack the Youth Sectors. I see him kill younglings, sparklings, caretakers._

_I know he's changed. I know he'd never hurt something so…innocent, now. But…these nightmares aren't just nightmares. They're also memories._

_Which means that at one time, Barricade did do these things._

_…I…I don't know what to think. It scares me to see him so ruthless in killing sparklings. I'm not scared of him. …I don't think so, at least._

_*sigh* Primus. This all makes me want to cry. I'm a terrible bondmate, aren't I? It's just… Fraggit, I can't explain anything! I hate this. I hate my dreams. I hate my nightmares. I hate the fact that I can't live a normal life. I hate that I can't give Barricade a normal bondmate that doesn't knock him out everytime we sparkmerge._

_I hate myself for doubting my own bondmate for something that happened so long ago._

_I really am a terrible bondmate - Ah,slag! I just blew the power circuits again. Why the frag does this happen everytime I get all worked up? Damn. *sigh* Duty calls._

_Signing off:_

_~Nicole Witwicky, AllSpark and terrible bondmate~_

* * *

><p>"And the Ark will be landing tonight?"<p>

Prowl nodded, the light of his office glinting off his black and white armor. "Yes. It is scheduled to arrive at approximately-"

"7:30," Jazz finished smugly, pedes on the desk and servos behind his helm.

"Jazz!" The SIC snapped sharply at his bondmate, "First of all, could you _please_at least use military time? And second, no-"

"-Pedes on the desk, 'less yer not lookin'. I know, Prowler."

"Wha- No! I said don't put your pedes on it _at__all_-"

Major Lennox coughed, breaking up the escalating argument. "Look, I've got new recruits coming at that time and I've got to be there to greet the Ark, too. Who's going to brief them if Epps is halfway across the world with Optimus in Russia sniffing out that Energon signature?"

Prowl shot one last glare at his grinning bondmate sitting across him before turning his gaze to the human standing beside his desk. "Nicole has already volunteered to brief the recruits."

"Does she know what to go over with them?"

"I've put together a check list that I will send to her later. Plus, I will be there to ensure that she goes over everything. Jazz will be meeting the Ark with you to make sure the Chevy twins take Hot Rod's place."

"And just why is Hot Rod being transferred here again?" The soldier asked, crossing his arms.

"Ya kiddin' me?" Jazz asked with a grin. "Afta what Skids and Mudflap pulled last week, Prowler here booted 'em ta the Ark crew. And jus' ta add ta the mix, Hot Rod's been gettin' antsy on the Ark, and when tha' happens, bad things happen. Things like Kup gettin' _very_ ornery and sendin' us some slaggin' hard battle simulations."

Lennox shook his head, trying to hide his smile at how the Solstice described the mechs. "I wasn't here, but I hear that Mirage was out for blood after he found a few hornet nests in his and Hound's quarters."

"Yep. Raj wasn't too happy, but Hound and the Chevy twins sure were."

Prowl groaned a little, optics dimming. "Please, don't remind me. Only Primus knows how in Pit they got those nests in there."

Both Jazz and Lennox laughed, but poor Prowl just glowered at the datapads on his desk as if they were the Chevy twins themselves.

After saying he needed to attend to other things, Lennox left, leaving the two mechs alone. Prowl resumed his work while Jazz stared up at the ceiling. After a few moments, Jazz said lowly, "Ya know, it might not be a good idea ta have Nicki talkin' ta the new recruits."

"And why is that?" The SIC asked, not looking up from his datapads.

"Have ya talked ta the femme lately, Prowler? She's a lot crankier than usual. She pretty much bit Leo's head off the other day. An' she's been havin' trouble controllin' the excess AllSpark energy. Jus' this month Nicki blew out all the power on base _three_times."

Prowl made a small noise, signing off on a report and putting it in the 'Out' pile on his desk. "I know. I signed off on the order for the new lights. Has she been meditating?"

"Everyday, she says. An' poor Barricade's been worryin' himself sick 'bout it, 'cause Nicki won't tell him what's wrong."

"Has Ratchet-"

Prowl was cut off as the air was suddenly crackling with energy, and all the fluorescent lights that were lit in the office popped, glass shattering. The charge in the air went away as soon as it had came, and the office was dark except for the light of Prowl and Jazz's optics.

Over an open comm. to everyone on base, Sideswipe said, ::It happened again, didn't it?::

::No shit, Sherlock! Damn it!::, came Nicole's sharp voice.

Prowl started. ::Nicole-::

::I know, I know! I'm fixing it!:: she snapped before her comm. line went dead.

::Someone's having a bad day.:: Sunstreaker muttered.

::You're one to talk, Sunny.:: Sides teased.

::Mute it.::

There was an audible sigh over the comm., crackling a little static. ::I'll go find her before she shoots something.:: Ironhide muttered.

::Some_one_, you mean.:: Sideswipe added helpfully.

There were a few moments before the back up generator powered up, lighting the back up light bulbs that were so small they were barely efficient. There was enough light to see, but it was dimmer than before.

Prowl sighed again, already doing the math on how much it would cost to replace the fluorescent lights and staring at the ceiling. "Maybe you're right."

"Pit yeah I'm right," came the witty reply.

The SIC ignored him.

* * *

><p>Nicole POV<p>

"How many Nicole's does it take to replace a light bulb?" I muttered under my breath, scowling at the opening in the ceiling where I was screwing in the said fluorescent light. "Three. One to pop the damn things, another to replace them, and a third to do it all over again later."

The stupid fluorescent light in my servo was determined to make this as hard as it could be. Using the recently added magnetic amplifiers that I myself had installed (without Ratchet's permission), I was standing on the ceiling. Or would it be hanging from the ceiling? Either way, I had my pedes magnetized to the ceiling and was changing the light bulbs that I had popped.

Finally, the stupid light screwed in right. It was one of those long fluorescent light bulbs, and I had half a mind to whack myself with it because I was utterly hating my AllSpark powers right now. Sighing, I let the empty fluorescent light bulb box drop to the floor, not really caring who picked it up as long as it wasn't me. _There_, I thought. _I__'__m __done. __I __think. __Oh, __well._

I stared at the floor below me, my holoform's hair hanging upside down. Did I want to walk? No, not really. If I walked, I'd most likely run into someone and right now, I didn't feel like talking. So, with that thought in mind, I crouched on the ceiling and started crawling along it like Spider-Man.

Have you ever tried to walk on the ceiling? It's hard. I fell the first time I tried because one pede wasn't enough to keep me glued to the ceiling. So crawling like some brought-to-life version of Spider-Man was the only other option. It was actually fun sometimes, and other times, it served as a great way to get past Red Alert's security cameras or crawl right over Prowl's helm with him none the wiser.

When our quarters came in sight, I half-dreaded and half-celebrated it. Barricade was still on a scouting mission with Bumblebee in Oregon, so our quarters had been cold and empty. But he was supposed to get home sometime tonight. I hummed happily at the thought and continued crawling my way along.

When I got to my quarter doors, I considered dropping to the floor or transwarping. It was a long drop and my old human body would have been in pieces, but my new metal body was stronger, so the worst thing about dropping was the jarring impact as I landed. Plus, I got an adrenaline rush from it.

Turning off my mags, I let myself fall for a few seconds before turning in mid air to land squarely on my feet with a grunt. Once I recovered my balance and got used to the gravity change, I stood up fully, smiling a little. Yeah, being pretty indestructible had its perks. Perks such as new strength, faster speed, and heightened senses. It made me realize how dull the human senses were.

A soldier that had been walking past stared at me as if I had grown two heads. Apparently a newbie. My bad mood came back, and I scowled at him. "Take a picture. It lasts longer." And with that little delightful parting comment, I sent a command to my quarter doors to swish open and stalked inside.

As the doors slid shut, I transwarped to the berth that Barricade and I recharged on every night. _Well, __every __night __that __Barricade__'__s __ever __here, _I thought darkly.

When I landed on the berth, I bounced on the soft mesh material that had been broken in by Barricade and I sleeping on it. Laying down and breathing in a deep intake of the familiar comforting scent, I let the nerve relays in my body relax. I had duct taped the security camera lens that Red Alert had put in a long time ago, and with the doors locked, no one could bother me. It was only 7:34 PM, and yet I was _so_tired. Maybe I could get in a few hours of recharge before Barricade got back. Closing my optics, I prepared myself for what would most likely be a recharge interrupted by nightmares.

…Only to be interrupted by the beeping of my comm. link.

Fed up and tired, I opened the comm. link determined to tear into whoever was calling and tell them to leave me the hell alone. ::What the frag do you _want?_:: I nearly snarled.

::Nicole::, Prowl's cool voice came through the other end. ::You were supposed to be at the front of the base four minutes ago to meet the new recruits. Luckily, the transport vehicle they are on is late, but I advise that you make your way here now.:: He paused for a second before asking in a less cold voice and more concerned tone, ::Is something wrong?::

Any rage I had melted. I couldn't stand it when I worried my family, especially when it came to Jazz and Prowl. Really, it was hard to be mad when they sounded like that.

Fatigue replaced the anger and I sighed. ::No, Prowl.:: I said in tired voice. ::Nothing's wrong. I'll be down in a sec.:: Without wait for his reply, I shut the comm. and rubbed my faceplates with my servos.

"So much for getting some rest," I murmured as I started change my holoform's look to match what I think would be close for an official soldier to wear while greeting new recruits. Camouflage cargo pants tucked into some tan army boots, a dark green tank top, and to top it off, the necklace I wore all the time that included an army tag with my name and job in the military (which would have been 'AllSpark') and the second ring that Barricade had given me, since my first one had been turned into AllSpark energy for my spark.

…Okay, so maybe this isn't what an official soldier would wear, but this is what _I_ would wear. To finish it, I changed my hair to where it hung down my back in a long, black braid.

Satisfied, I transwarped outside my quarters, choosing to walk to my destination so I could go over the check list of things I needed to cover for the soldiers. Reading files that were in my processor while walking had been hard at first, mostly because I'd run into some walls and the occasional human or Autobot. But I'd gotten the hang of it now by using my EM field to map out everything around me. I got some weird looks from the humans who didn't know much about Transformers and saw me laughing at nothing when I was really laughing at a datafile that Sideswipe had sent me, though.

_Nicole: _

_These are the things to cover in your debriefing of the recruits. I made them in order from first to last so you would know what to go over first. _

_-Prowl_

Good ol' Prowl. Always knows that sometimes you have to put some things simple for me, and for that, I was grateful.

The list wasn't too long. Not as long as I'd thought it'd be.

_1. __Introduce __yourself __and __learn __their __names. __Make __sure __they __are __all __accounted __for._ Okay, this sounded like I was a kindergarten teacher making sure all her students were there.

_2. __Prepare __them __for __first __meeting __with __an __Autobot. __Myself __and __Sunstreaker __will __be __volunteering._ So, in other words, I'd be giving them their first introduction to a mech. And it was with Sunny. That…would be interesting.

_3. __Go __over __the __rules __for __the __base._Tell them what to do and what not to do, what mechs to piss off and not to piss off. Easy, since I had learned from my own experiences the hard way.

_4. __Go __through __protocols. _I had no idea what 'protocols' Prowl was talking about, but who's to say I couldn't make my own?

_5. __Give __them a t__our of __the __base. __Introduce __them __to __any __Autobots __or __humans __you __may __come __across. __Be __sure __to __explain __said __human __or __Autobots __rank. _I could see myself saying, "Want to meet my family consisting of humans and aliens?"

_6. __Show __them __their __barracks. __In __the __morning __you __will __personally __deliver __their __schedules, __which __will i__nclude __the __time __for __breakfast, __lunch, __and __dinner. _Internally, I groaned. Soldiers around here got up early, which meant that now I had to get up early. Wonderful.

That was the end of the checklist and I had made it to the front of the base without running into a single wall. Prowl was standing there already, staring stoically out the hangar doors into the summer night, and Sunny was in his alt mode, no doubt sulking about being pulled into volunteering. There was a nice breeze coming in the hangar, blowing back a few strands of my hair that had escaped my braid.

If the SIC sensed me coming, he didn't acknowledge it. Sunny sure did, though.

"Well, well, well," he voice blasted from the radio out the open window as I came to stand beside his driver door. "Looks like someone finally decided to show up, Prowl."

I stuck my glossa out at Sunstreaker while the black and white mech looked down at me, an optics ridge raised. "It would seem so. And just in time. The soldiers ETA is three minutes."

I shrugged, walking around Sunny's alt mode to stand in front of it. "Well, I'm here now, aren't I?" As I said this, I leaned back, meaning to lean against Sunny's hood, but the stupid mech rolled back just in time.

Which made me fall flat on my back.

I hissed as I felt the pain radiating from my helm. "Slaaaaaaag, that _hurt_!" Rolling over, I saw Jolt laughing openly as he walked past. "Mute it, Jolt!"

He didn't. Where was that AllSpark respect when I actually _wanted_ it?

Growling, I pushed myself to my knees and glared Sunstreaker, who wasn't bothering to hide the smug feeling in his EM field. "Fragger."

He snorted. "Serves you right for trying to touch my finish."

In response I transwarped onto Sunny's hood on my back. He gave a yelp, before spinning backwards in reverse in an attempt to roll me off. Before I did, though, I dug my fingers under the edge of his hood and held on.

For the next minute, the gold Corvette drove like a lunatic all around the hangar trying to roll me off, all while shouting nasty insults. I just laughed and held on tighter. It was starting to get really good until Prowl got fed up and stepped right in front of Sunstreaker's speeding alt mode, forcing the Corvette to screech to halt. After all, running over your superior when he was looking at you like _that_ was suicidal.

And Prowl did look pretty fragged off. "_Stop._ Now. Or monitor duty for three days for both of you."

I groaned, letting my helm fall back onto Sunny's way-too-shiny hood. "Aw, c'mon, Prowl. You know I'm no good at that."

Sunstreaker made a noise that could have been a snort. "Because you're always falling asleep? Or because you let Ravage sneak in twice while on duty?"

"Hey," I said sharply, scooting up on his hood to lean against his windshield, "that wasn't my fault. Jazz was annoying the crap out of me one time by playing his music over the comm. as loud as he could, and Barricade was talking to me over the bond the other time."

"I forgot. Nothing is ever your fault, is it?"

I tapped my fingernails against his golden paint. "Hey, Sunny, have you ever seen what fingernails can do to paint on a car?"

The Corvette shut up quickly.

Prowl suddenly transformed into his alt mode, saying, "Stop playing and pay attention. They're almost here."

Sure enough, 43 seconds later a military transportation truck pulled up in front of the open hangar. I watched as eight men in military dress jumped out the back of the truck with duffel bags. A blonde haired man with the medals of a Captain on his uniform patted the hood of the truck as the rest of the men got in line and the truck drove off. He stepped in line and saluted. The rest of the men followed his example as he proceeded to shout his squad number.

I hardly heard what he said, instead analyzing each soldier and already looking at their files. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I asked, _Why__do__they__have__to__shout__everything?_ Maybe the drill sergeants were deaf or something…

It took me a moment to realize that there was silence in the hangar, all human eyes one me. "Oh," I muttered, "is this my part?"

No one answered, of course, but I'm pretty sure Sunny was laughing because he was just lightly vibrating under me.

Sighing, I slid off his hood (and probably pissed him off because of it), and waved at the new soldiers because I didn't know what else to do. "Hi. My name is Nicole Witwicky, and I'll be the one debriefing you tonight since Major Lennox is attending to other business." I stared at the all for a moment before saying, "You can stop saluting now."

::It's 'At ease', genius.:: Sunstreaker said over a comm..

I scowled, but said, "At ease."

They stopped saluting.

I huffed, blowing air out through my mouth. This was going to be harder than I thought.

"Okay, since I already know all your names, I'm going to go on to why you're here. You all qualified for a special secret branch of military called NEST. And what we do here at NEST is deal with aliens." I paused to see their reactions, and aside from just glancing at each other, they remained impassive. "These aliens are mechanical in nature. Many years ago, they came to our planet because of their war. We fight with the good guys, who are called Autobots. They _don__'__t_want to kill humans. The Decepticons _do_, however, and we are what is keeping them from taking over Earth. Any questions so far?"

No one spoke up. I didn't really expect them to. I nodded, continuing. "You will no doubt see various Autobots working around base and all. They don't harm humans, and most are very nice, but a little tip: don't piss any of them off." I smiled, maybe a little evilly. "You really don't want to do that."

They still remained impassive, but the look in their eyes kept saying, _"__What__the__hell__did__I__get__myself__into?_"

I gestured around us. "Do you see any giant robots walking around? No. That's because they blend in with our world. They have alt modes, which look like everyday cars."

And suddenly everyone was looking at the golden Corvette behind me and the black and white police Charger to my left.

I nearly smiled, but I was fighting it. It was pretty hard to keep up the tough drill sergeant attitude when I was about to show them something that would blow their mind. I stepped forward so I'd be out of Sunstreaker's range when he transformed. "Prepare yourselves, soldiers. What you're about to see is going to be…incredible. And I swear to God, if any of you faint, you're on your _own_. Mechs, if you'd please?"

Right on cue, they transformed. Or, at least Prowl did. Sunny stayed in his alt mode, a stubborn streak tainting his EM field. While the soldiers gawked at Prowl in silence, I glared at the golden Corvette. "Well?"

He stayed silent.

Okay, this was starting to make me look stupid because I was talking to a car. Though I'm not sure any of the soldiers were paying much attention to me because of Prowl. Fed up with a certain golden twin, I did what is probably the stupidest thing you could do to Sunny:

I walked over to his driver door and kicked it _hard._

In promptly two seconds flat, the golden Corvette had transformed in a two story tall robot and was in my faceplates with an active plasma cannon. "You little _fragger!_"

I smiled uncaringly at the angry frontliner. "Hello, Sunstreaker. How nice of you to participate."

"I swear to _Primus_, if you scratched or dented my armor there will be Pit to pay-"

_Trust __me, __it__'__s __definitely __dented. _Turning away from the cannon still in my face, I smiled charmingly at the new recruits. "This little ray of sunshine standing beside me goes by the designation Sunstreaker, though we call him Sunny, Sunshine, and Daffodil. The black and white bot on my other side is Prowl, the SIC of the Autobot army."

While Sunny reluctantly powered his cannon down with a scowl and stood up like Prowl, the SIC nodded to the soldiers. "I trust your trip here was well?"

The captain of the team was the first to respond, returning the nod and saying, "Yes, sir."

_Oh, __good_, I thought, _someone __who __catches __on __quickly. __That __makes __my __job __easier._

Several of the soldiers were still staring at Sunny, so I said, "Don't mind Sunny. He's real touchy about his paint job and really moody all the time, but don't worry. Inside he's just a big teddy bear with deadly cannons."

"You're pushing it, Nicki," said mech snapped irritably.

My smile dropped, and I turned to glare at him. "Don't call me that, _Sunshine_."

He stuck his glossa out at me. I mirrored the action.

Prowl just sighed.

* * *

><p>As soon as the door to the new recruits' barracks shut, I slumped and blew out a puff of air through my mouth. "<em>Finally<em>. It's over."

Prowl hummed his agreement, optics dim as he looked at who-knows-what.

I scowled up at him. "Are you even listening?"

"Yes, I am."

After a few moments of silence, I asked, "What are you looking at?"

The SIC blinked, finally looking down to me. "Nicole… It seems that Barricade and Bumblebee are going to be late getting back."

I stared at him for a moment, trying to process that information. "What?"

"There was a flash flood that covered their planned route. They're going to circle back and find another way, but it will be sometime tomorrow before they're back."

"Oh." I said somewhat quietly.

Prowl's usual stoic mask fell, and he shot me a sympathetic look. "I'm sorry. I know you were looking forward to seeing Barricade again."

Snapping back into reality, I waved the sympathy. "Yeah, I was, but it's okay. Just it's just tomorrow, right?" I shrugged, shooting him a half-smile. "I have more patience than you think."

The Charger didn't look convinced, but he nodded. "Will you be alright?"

I shot him a bright smile, already starting the long walk to my quarters. "Of course. Why wouldn't I?" Giving him no room to reply, I sped up my pace, turning the corner and disappearing from view.

I walked fast, wanting to escape the looks of the other mechs and soldiers, wanting to escape reality. I wanted to be in my quarters, where no one could see just how much I was wishing Barricade was there.

* * *

><p>I fell into a fitful recharge that night without taking my nightly two cubes of Energon. Being the AllSpark had required more than one cube, and lately I had been drinking three twice a day instead of two because I was so worn out all the time. And even then, I was <em>still <em>tired.

I was halfway through my nightmares of watching the Youth Sectors burn to the ground when my subconscious apparently had enough of watching distressful images and woke me up like every other time. Sighing, I rolled on my back, barely opening my optics to the dark room. Almost instantly, my vision switched to night vision, and everything in the room stood out in detail.

There was thunder and rain pounding down outside. Seems like whatever storm had delayed Bumblebee and Barricade's trip back had finally hit us. My chronometer said it was 2:30 in the morning. Blinking blearily, I sat up and transwarped off the berth. I was up now, might as well do something useful.

I had forgotten to change my holoform's clothes before I recharged, so I had slept in the army attire. Changing it to my regular hoodie and jeans, I sent the ping to my door to open. The bright lights from the hall made me blink again as I started walking…somewhere. Being AllSpark, I didn't officially have a schedule for what shifts I'd do. Prowl usually assigned me monitor duty or some other duty for punishment for some idiotic thing I had done, so I had a lot of free time in between those times.

My pedes went on autopilot, walking aimlessly through the base. Everything was quiet except for the occasional soldier or mech walking past, most who ignored me because I'd become a pretty much permanent fixture on base.

It was only when I got closer to the officers' offices that the trouble started.

"-need to send someone out there _now_, Prowl!"

That was Red Alert. _Oh, __joy,_ I thought_, __here __we __go._

Prowl's office door was open because the giant form of Inferno was standing in the doorway. Just from the way his frame was slumped, I could tell he was tired. Inside, Red Alert was standing in front of Prowl's desk with that panicked look that seemed to be on his faceplates half the time. And behind said desk, the SIC sat looking vaguely annoyed and tired.

I walked in, having the urge to either sigh or laugh. Inferno looked down at me with weary optics and a tired smiled. "Hey there, Nicki."

I smiled back. "Hey, Inferno."

Red Alert and Prowl didn't notice my entrance, instead continuing their argument/conversation. Prowl sighed, pinching the bridge of his olfactory sensor as a human gesture he had adopted. "Red Alert… Just because one of our sensors went out doesn't mean that the Decepticons are trying to infiltrate the base. The batteries might have went out on it, or a tree could have fallen over on it in the storm."

The sensors he was talking about were some Energon detectors that had been placed in a ten-mile radius of the base. We'd just installed them about eight months ago. They were supposed to pick up any mechanism that ran on Energon and send an alert to base. They'd saved our afts more than a few times from Ravage or Frenzy or Rumble sneaking in.

Red Alert's optic twitched, something that I found hilarious a lot of the time. "But in between the time that it went out and the time we get it fixed, Ravage or some other Decepticon could sneak in! They could get our codes and wreak havoc on this base! They could murder any of us in our recharge! We need to get it fixed _now_!"

Prowl looked at the ceiling as if asking, _"__Why __me?__"_

And before I knew it, I was transwarping on Prowl's desk. "I'll do it."

Both mechs shot me startled glances. Well, Prowl looked more surprised while Red Alert looked at me with suspicion. The Security Director had been wary of me ever since that first time he had seen me transwarp in Ratchet's Med Bay, scaring him out of his wits while doing so. Sometimes it was funny. Sometimes it was slagging annoying.

"You'll do it?" Prowl asked, almost surprised.

I gave him a half-smile, shrugging. "Why not? I've got nothing else to do."

"But it's raining outside and it's nearly three in the morning."

I just shrugged again. "Think about it, Prowl. I can transwarp there, get it fixed quick, and get back, all in fifteen, maybe thirty minutes. And I'm up, so why not?"

"Will you know how to fix it?" Red Alert asked, frowning.

"I can just download the specs on the sensor, figure out what's wrong, and use a bit of AllSpark energy to fix it."

The Security Director looked like he was still uncertain, but Prowl gave me a small smile. "Thank you, Nicole." Then he looked at Red Alert, like he was daring him to complain about the plan. "Will that be all, Red Alert?"

"I- Yes, I guess so…"

Inferno grinned and started to tug Red Alert out of the office. "See, Red? Told ya they'd work it out. Now can we _please_go back to our quarters…" The door slid shut, cutting off the rest of their conversation.

I snorted, still staring at the door. "Poor Inferno. It's a wonder Red didn't bond to his security consol and not Inferno."

I could practically hear Prowl's wince. "That…isn't even possible."

I looked at him in surprise, my holoform's eyebrows raised. "Wow. You didn't say 'logic'."

He ignored that.

I sighed, sticking my hands in my hoodie pocket. "Jazz in recharge?"

For a moment, the tactician tensed, but said a quick, "Yes."

I stared at him for a few moments before grinning. "You snuck out, didn't you?"

The SIC jerked like I had smacked him. "No."

"Yes, you did. You're supposed to be in recharge. But you snuck out after Jazz fell into recharge." I grinned wider, rocking on my pedes. "Oooh, naughty Prowler. Jazz will have your aft if he wakes and finds you gone. Never knew you had it in you."

To his credit, Prowl didn't deny it. He just glared at the datapads on his desk. "I have too much work left to do to recharge."

I nodded as if that were the answer to everything. "Uh-huh. I'm sure you used that excuse on Cybertron, didn't you?"

This time he did glare at me, though I could tell he was fighting a smile. "Don't you have a sensor to fix?"

"Yeah. I just like bothering you more." At his look, I sighed dramatically. "_Fine_, I'm going. You wanna send the file to me now or later when I actually see what's wrong with it?"

"Later after you see it. There's a very high percentage that a tree just knocked it over and shut it off."

I nodded. "Okay. Which sensor is it?"

"The one farthest northeast. Number 004. And Nicole?"

Just in time I stopped myself from transwarping. "Yeah?"

Prowl paused, not looking at me for a few seconds. And when he did I knew exactly what he was going to say.

"Be careful. There _is_still a chance it was part of the Decepticons doing. I want you to comm. me as soon as you find the sensor."

A small piece of me inside screamed. No matter how much I loved my family and how much they cared about me, it hurt every time I was reminded that they didn't have faith in my ability to keep myself alive. Sure, I may be rash, do stupid things, doing downright dumb things, but I don't do it unless I'm one hundred percent sure that no one – including myself – will get hurt. Okay, so me _dying _didn't really help that situation, or the fact that I was the AllSpark and nearly every Decepticon had tried to kill me once or twice, but…still. I could take care of myself. I wasn't the weak human that I was before. Despite how much of an idiot I acted like all the time, I actually did learn something from those training sessions from Ironhide and those hacking lessons Jazz had taught me.

But they didn't think so. They didn't believe I could take care of myself. They didn't have faith in my abilities. They didn't have faith in my intelligence. They didn't have faith in me. They still thought of me as the human Nicole, not the Nicole that came back from the dead and pissed Megatron off because of it.

And it drove me _insane_.

…Not that I'd ever let them know.

* * *

><p>I stumbled as I transwarped near where the sensor was supposed to be. The rain was thundering down, making it near impossible to see through. The ground I was standing on was so muddy, my holoform's rain boots sank down to the ankles.<p>

"Disgusting," I muttered to myself as I pulled my pedes out, but my muttering was barely a whisper through the loud rain.

Sighing, I looked around and pulled my hoodie's hood over my helm. Right now I was on the edge of a road used by the Autobots to patrol. If my map was correct, I'd have to go into the woods lining either side of the road to get to it.

Being the middle of June, the trees were thick with green leaves that partially stopped the rain. I gratefully took advantage of it and started jogging towards the sensor, ducking and jumping over any foliage. It took me about seven minutes since I couldn't transwarp to a place I hadn't been before, but I finally reached a clearing. In the middle a tripod with a sensor on it was toppled over and crushed under a tree that was wider than me.

"Wonderful," I mumbled to myself as I stared out at the crushed sensor from my safe haven in the trees. "Fragging wonderful."

I took one step into the clearing, and a wave of vertigo hit me. The world went sideways and I had to lean against a tree for a moment. There was a burning in my chest. Sucking in air as best as I could, I rubbed my chest harder.

This was the wrong thing to do.

Before I knew it, I was bent over, purging any and all Energon I had consumed within the past 24 hours.

And for those who don't know, purging Energon is ten times worst than throwing up as a human. Half-processed Energon doesn't do well with the sensitive lining in my throat.

Coughing up the rest of my tanks contents, I wiped at my optics, trying to clear the rain and Energon tears that had sprung up. The half-processed Energon steamed on the ground, most likely burning the ground under it despite the rain.

Gasping, I leaned my back against the tree and stared at the Energon, feeling drained of everything and shocked all at once. What the frag was _that_about? I was the AllSpark. I didn't get sick. I was invulnerable. And yet the proof was all over the ground in front of me. I felt like I was in the twilight zone. I rubbed my chest a little as if that would make the burning feeling go away. It didn't.

I squinted up at the sky. The rain had lessened just a tiny bit, but it was still pouring. The sensor hadn't magically fixed itself during my sick spell. I still had a job to do. Maybe it had just been a bad batch of Energon.

Whatever it was, it had left a bad taste in my mouth. Literally.

Spitting on the ground as I walked in the clearing, I made a note to check with Ratch on it. But before I could do that, I had to get this sensor and take it back to base so it could be replaced. Because this one was definitely totaled.

I knelt beside the crushed sensor to get a better look. Yeah, this thing would definitely be hitting the Broken Tech Graveyard, as Jazz had called the pile of little gadgets that I had accidentally brought to life and sometimes-not-so-accidentally shot. But for once, I didn't kill this one.

I opened my comm. to Prowl, but all I got was static. Frowning, I stood up. I should have reception. Being a high-tech mechanism let me have reception anywhere.

My spark chilled as I realized something.

…I had reception everywhere there wasn't a signal jammer. Which meant there was either a signal jammer nearby, or… Well, that's the only reason I wouldn't have a signal. A small suspicion wormed it's way in my processor and I started walking towards the end of the tree where it should have been broken off at the trunk.

I found the trunk. Instead of muddy mess of yanked up roots or splintered wood, there was a neat cut straight through the middle made by a rotor saw.

…Frag.

The thought had barely crossed my mind when I heard the shot, and a millisecond later I felt a searing pain in my knee and then in my other knee, effectively disabling my ability to run. As I fell to my knees cursing, I felt the ground shake as something _very_ big came behind me. I barely managed to turn in time to see a giant servo scoop me up very roughly and squeeze tightly around my small frame like I was a doll.

And there he was in all his ugliness: Starscream, bright red optics and sneering faceplates in all.

"Hello, _girl_."

And that was when I officially labeled the past twenty-four hours as the worst hours of my new life.

* * *

><p>Right... So, like for the first chapter? No? Yes? I sure hope so. Reviews are love! And I know I said this would be up a few hours ago, but something screwed with that also, soooo... Sorry.<p>

Review!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

This really wasn't a good way to start off my morning.

Yeah, this definitely wasn't in my top ten list of ways to start off the day. Screamer's ugly faceplates in _my_ faceplates was bad enough; add him screeching as high as he can and it was just a really fragging terrible way to start off the morning.

Not that Starscream cared. He just kept talking like one of those really annoying parrots that someone would train to randomly cuss at people.

"-don't see any puny Autobots around to protect you now, girl."

I blinked, pulled out of my daydreaming. "What? I wasn't really listening to you."

The Decepticon SIC growled lowly and his grip around my frame tightened.

I winced. My knee joints were completely shot thanks to Starscream and hurt like hell despite my AllSpark powers repairing them already. I was having trouble turning off the pain receptors, too, so that added to the unpleasantness of it all. But having your body squished isn't pleasant, no matter how much armor you might have. And my armor may have been pretty strong, but it's really thin. My holoform is like a backup armor, but it's designed for protecting against blasts and flying shrapnel, not being slowly squished to death. Plus, I'm pretty sure I'm the only Autobot that is the right size to be squeezed like a doll.

…Sometimes being human-sized really sucks if you're surrounded by giant robots.

Ah, I was daydreaming again. Screamer's mouth was running, but nothing came out. At least, it _seemed _that way to me. It was actually pretty funny to watch.

But I needed to get back to base before Prowl started to worry and sent someone. After all, just because my morning is getting suckier and suckier by the minute doesn't mean I have make it bad for some poor recharging bot.

I wiggled in Screamer's grasp, which was really pointless. "Look, could you just let me go? I really need to get back, and it looks like your all alone, so-"

Starscream laughed (not a pleasant sound, trust me) and grinned like it was the funniest thing ever. " 'Let you go'?" he echoed. "How stupid do you think I am?"

_Very __stupid,_ I thought. Out loud, I said, "Why are you even out here by yourself? Last time I checked, you had a trine."

He suddenly scowled, his grip loosening just a tiny bit. I took the chance and slowly started to wriggle my arm out while his attention was somewhere besides squeezing me to death.

"That is none of your business, girl."

I tilted my helm a little. "I think it _is _my business. You decided to hang out near my base and pick on whatever Autobot came to check on that sensor you so kindly crushed." I paused, then added as an afterthought, "And don't call me 'girl'. I'm a femme."

Starscream totally ignored what I said, too caught up in his own thoughts as the rain came down. Whatever he was thinking, it obviously made him mad, because his grip was starting to get tight again. I tried to wriggle my arm out faster while still being discreet.

It was only then that I noticed the bad dents and smalls cuts leaking Energon covering the Air Commander's body. I frowned. Surely it wasn't from an Autobot, because it would have been reported at base. Unless-

"Megatron got mad, didn't he?"

Starscream's optics refocused on me, the red glare lighting up more of the dark clearing. "That's none of your business," he repeated flatly.

I stared back, wondering why in the Pit I felt the tiniest bit of pity for Screamer. This was my enemy, SIC of the Decepticon army, a mech that had killed so many and had tried to kill me and my family on various occasions. The AllSpark in me unhelpfully pulled up memories of a seekerling on Cybertron. A seekerling that looked suspiciously like Starscream.

I blinked, trying hard to clear my helm. Not easy.

I sighed. Being AllSpark isn't easy. Say, if I shot at any D-cons, I'd end up seeing memories of them before the war in my recharge. It made it really hard to shoot at any one of them, let alone kill any of them.

Well, except Megatron. If I ever got the chance, I'd kill him without a second thought. There was too much hatred there to be affected by memories.

I blinked rain out of my optics. "Look, Screamer-"

He growled.

Oops. Shouldn't have used the nickname. "Look, Starscream, just this one time, could you just nicely set me down and not try to kill me? I'm tired, it's been a shitty past 24 hours, and you could probably use your trine right now. So could we just forget this whole thing and go our own ways?"

The Seeker watched me with calculating optics, the gloom of the early morning making the glow from his optics look almost dim. Thunder sounded off somewhere.

After a few long silent moments, Starscream said slowly, "I should kill you."

_You __should. __It __would __be __the __smart __thing __to __do,_ I thought. But I nodded anyways like I was trying to urge him on. "You _should_, but you _won__'__t_, right?"

He hummed and I could almost feel the vibrations. "No."

I smiled. Maybe there was some good left to Screamer.

The Seeker suddenly sneered, looking very smug. "But Megatron will."

_...Damn._

I could practically read Starscream's mind: give Megatron the AllSpark that had made him look like a fool by coming back from the dead, and get forgiveness.

Half of me felt crushed that the Decepticon SIC had not gone with the good path and just let me go. The other half of me was beating that crushed part senseless for even thinking such a thing. And then I remembered something:

Hey, I _could _read Transformer's minds.

As Starscream's thrusters kicked on, I hurriedly delved into his processor. The experience isn't something I like. The feeling of my intrusion into another beings mind is one I can't shake for several hours after, which is why I don't do it a lot. But during certain situations, it calls for it. Like, battle and such. But… I seriously hate it. Once, Jazz joked about me using my processor-reading abilities to interrogate any Decepticon prisoners we might have, and I…took it the wrong way. Looking back on it now, I guess I overreacted some, with not speaking to Jazz at all for two weeks. It took Barricade and a lot of reasoning to get me to see my mistake.

But either way, I still hated even thinking of trying to read someone's mind, let alone actually _doing _it.

Starscream's processor was unusual. The thoughts weren't wild and random like Jazz. It was neat and ordered, which was disturbing on a certain level. How the heck do you keep your mind sorted? I had a hard time keeping my own sorted, let alone in order.

My objective wasn't to try and control the Seeker. I was just going to distract him before he got high in the air. After all, what's more distracting than someone in your helm?

By now, Screamer had nearly cleared the treetops. He suddenly veered to the right, clutching his helm with his free servo. "Wha- Get out of my helm, girl!"

I scowled, having a hard time focusing on staying with reality and not getting sucked into his processor. "I'm a _femme_, not a girl!"

The Seeker howled as I delved in deeper and started playing Katy Perry's Peacock as loud as I could from my memory. We shot up in the air, high above the treetops. I cursed loudly and yanked my arm the rest of the way out of Starscream's grip. The holoform covering my servo disappeared as it transformed into a cannon that had taken me weeks to get adjusted to.

As many times as I saw it, I never got used to have my servo change into a lethal weapon powered by AllSpark power.

But I didn't have time to be amazed by it now. Now, I had to keep Screamer from flying off. Barricade was going to be here in a few hours, and I sure as hell was going to be there when he did.

"Starscream," I said in a flat voice, "let me go or I will shoot you."

Apparently Katy Perry was too much for him, because he didn't hear my warning. I sighed as the charge in my cannon began to build fast. Why could things never go the easy way?

I took aim. I fired.

And missed the target.

The target being between Screamer's optics. With him flying around in a very un-straight pattern, I missed and hit his left optic. Oh, well. It had the desired effect.

Starscream dropped me with his signature audio peircing screech. In mid-air, I transwarped back to the ground before I went splat. I was reminded all-too-painfully that my knees were completely shot. And that it was raining, too, after I landed in a mud puddle.

Sometimes I didn't transwarp in the most pleasant of places.

Looking back to the sky, I half grinned. I didn't have to worry about Starscream anymore, at least.

Then I saw the sensor and sighed. But I would have to worry about telling Prowl this all. And Ratchet. And Optimus.

Again, I sighed.

Transforming my cannon back to a normal servo, I transwarped.

Unexpectedly, I landed in the wrong spot. Where I had _meant _to land was Ratchet's Med Bay. Instead, I ended up landing short, just a 100 yards from the closed hangar doors.

"Frag," I hissed as I tried to drag myself into a sitting position on the soaking wet tarmac as the rain came down around me. I didn't have enough Energon to complete the rest of the trip, so my transwarp had been cut short. Wonderful. Of all times, it had to be now.

Luck seemed to do that sort of thing to me. _ALL __THE __TIME._

I checked my comm. again. I had left Screamer and his jammer far behind, so my reception was back to working.

But…Prowl would not be happy.

I sighed, but opened the comm. anyways. ::Prowl?::

::Nicole, did you just now reach the sensor?:: he asked. Just by the tone of his voice I could tell he was frowning.

::Um… No. But I need a little help.::

There was silence, then, ::What do you need help with? I can come-::

::Prowl, I'm in front of the base. I need help getting to the Med Bay.::

Another pause, this time shorter. Then in a clear, alert voice that told me he was already running who-knows-how-many simulations on how I got to my current situation, he asked, ::I'm on my way. What happened?::

_The __million-dollar __question,_ I thought. I sighed. ::Long or short version?::

::Short will have to do for now.::

I looked up at the dark, stormy sky, letting the rain run down my faceplates. ::Trap. Starscream. Totaled sensor. We're going to need a new one.::

::Are you okay?::

I nearly said, "Well, I'm not dead. So, yeah, I guess so." But that would have been the wrong thing to say. The very wrong thing to say. ::Depends on what you count as okay.::

::Able to move? Not leaking Energon? No processor damage? Able to walk? All limbs accounted for?::

I would have laughed, but Prowl wasn't joking. ::Yes to everything except being able to walk and leaking Energon.::

Just as I finished speaking, the hangar doors started to slowly open with a whirr like a giant garage. Then again, seeing as the Autobots were all vehicles, maybe it _was _the world's largest garage…

Light spilled out across the wet pavement, the rain distorting it. The silhouette of Prowl stood there like a looming presence, reminding me of just what I was about to get myself into. And before I knew it, the SIC was kneeling down to me in the rain with his servo open. For some reason, this made me feel awfully childish, but I crawled in his servo anyways and made myself comfortable as he stood up.

Prowl paused, staring at the ground. I followed his gaze to the puddle of Energon that had leaked from my wounds, mixing with the rain. I looked back to Prowl and snapped my fingers. "Prowl."

He blinked, then murmured a "yes", and turned back towards the hangar, rain sliding down his armor.

* * *

><p>::Why in the <em>Pit <em>are you comming me at this hour, Prowl? If you're two steps from stasis lock from overworking yourself, then you'll have to tough it out 'til morning! Got that, fragger?::

I snickered at the look on Prowl's faceplates. He openly sighed. ::Ratchet, Nicole is in need of medical attention.::

::Tell that idiot of an AllSpark that _she _can tough it until morning! If she isn't bleeding Energon-::

Amusement suddenly gone at being called an idiot, I opened my own comm. and stopped eavesdropping on Prowl's. ::I _am _bleeding, for your information, and I am _not _an idiot.::

::That second statement is a contradiction of itself.::

::Hey! Not nice-::

::Who said anything about being nice?::

::Fragging medic-::

Prowl growled out loud, which also carried over the comm.. ::Both of you, _stop __arguing_. We might have a possible Decepticon attack coming, and you're arguing about Nicole's intelligence, which _is _questionable half of the time.:: He shot a glare at me just as I opened my mouth, effectively shutting me up. ::Ratchet, please prepare the Med Bay.::

The Hatchet snapped back that he already was, but it had a lot of Cybertronian cuss words and human cuss words in between.

* * *

><p>"-ever pay attention to what I say? <em>No,<em> of course not! Which is exactly why I'm here again, repairing your aft again! Now turn off your holoform from the knee down."

I groaned. "But that drains nearly a quarter of my reserves, Ratch. And I haven't had any Energon in…" I paused to think about it, then said, "A very long time. I'll be super tired."

"We'll get you a cube and some recharge later. Now do it or I'll force it."

I sighed, but did so anyways and the holoform covering my legs disappeared. I winced at the sudden drop in my energy. Turning off the holoform always drained me, and the longer I kept it off, the more it used my reserves. Which is why I hated checkups. And I secretly think Ratchet _loved _watching me squirm.

I winced suddenly as Ratchet dug his holoform's fingers in my knee joints. "Did you have to turn on my pain receptors again?"

He shot me a venomous glare. "One: Yes, I did. Two: Suck it up. Three: You did a horrible job of turning them off yourself."

"I know I did!" I snapped. "I just haven't gotten the hang of it yet. Being AllSpark doesn't mean I can automatically do everything perfectly."

Ratchet snorted. "Obviously. If you did everything perfectly, we wouldn't be in this situation, would we?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"As Prowl said before, your intelligence _is _questionable, which means the AllSpark didn't change anything there."

"Hey!"

The medic ignored me as he pulled the bullet out of my joint, fingers covered in my Energon. He dumped it in a tray and set to work on the other knee.

I clenched my servos as he reached into the wound, pain making it hard to sit still. "Can't you use some pliers? It'd be easier to reach in there and get it."

"And risk disconnecting a nerve relay? Not unless you want to undergo surgery, which I doubt you do."

I sighed, because he was right.

Prowl, who had been silently watching the whole time, stepped closer, and by the look on his faceplates I knew what was coming next. "Now would be a good time for the long version of your story, Nicole."

I tilted my helm back, elbows holding me up as I stared at the ceiling as Ratchet's fingers dug around in my knee. It really isn't a comfortable feeling, but tiredness was making me drowsy and partially blocked out the pain. "Well, where do I start?"

"How about as you arrived at the sensor?"

"Okay." I let myself drop the rest of the way back on the medical berth, which had recently been installed with blue gel pads to make them more comfortable. There was still two med berths that didn't have gel pads, and were specifically for two certain twins that got themselves slagged because of stupidity. (As Ratchet had put it.)

"Well, when I got to the clearing, I saw the tree had fallen over the sensor and crushed it like a pancake. So we're going have to replace that, by the way. And then I started feeling really sick and I…" I trailed off as I remembered purging. That had most certainly not been normal.

"You what?" Ratchet asked as he pulled the second bullet out and dropped it in the tray. Without out looking at me, he started scanning both joints, probably looking for and torn wiring or broken metal from where the bullets had entered my knee.

I frowned at the ceiling. "…I threw up."

This got both of their attention. "What?"

"I threw up any Energon I had in my tanks."

Ratchet frowned at me. "I haven't had any other bots coming in for purging, so it wasn't a bad batch of Energon. Have you been feeling bad recently?"

"No, not really."

"Have you been consuming two cubes of Energon at every meal?"

"Um, three, actually."

"And you're still tired?"

I shut my optics, sighing. "Yes. Maybe it's just because Barricade is so far away and our bond still hasn't set in yet."

"But you didn't feel this way when you were still human, did you?"

"No, but I was human then. Things are a bit different now, if you haven't noticed." While saying this, I gestured to my legs, which still didn't have the holoform covering them.

Ratchet hummed, but said, "Maybe." He didn't sound like he believed it.

Prowl cleared his vocalizer, interrupting our conversation. "I still need the rest of your story, Nicole."

"Oh, yeah." I muttered sleepily. Pain had started to fade from my joints, making way for the stress of the past 30 minutes to set in. "Well, after I got done purging, I started looking at the tree that had crushed the sensor. I tried to comm. you to tell you what had happened, but there was something blocking it. That's when I looked at the tree's trunk and saw it had been cut. That's when Screamer shot me."

"Was it just Starscream there?"

"Yeah. He was by himself. No trine, no Megatron, no other 'Cons. Apparently Megsy had got mad at Starscream and beat him, who left the base afterwards. I think he just destroyed that sensor because he knew we'd send an Autobot for him to pick on."

Prowl nodded, optics dim as he filed it all into a report. "So they weren't planning an attack."

"Nope. But Screamer got it in his helm that if he gave Megatron me to kill, then he might be forgiven. I shot him in the optic for it, too." I smiled as I heard Ratchet laugh sharply. "And that's basically it."

The tactician sighed and I opened my optics to look at him. "Well, I'm glad you aren't seriously hurt."

Ratchet snorted, still scanning my joints. "We don't know that yet. Starscream picked you up, didn't he?"

"Yeah, and he sure as heck wasn't gentle."

The medic nodded. "Turn off the rest of your holoform, Nicole. Your armor's probably dented because he picked you up."

I bent both arms. "I feel fine."

"Do I look like I care that you feel fine? Now, do as I say and I'll put you into stasis lock so I can fix the wiring in your knees and get those dents out."

"But I need to get some Energon-"

"Then I'll give you an Energon line," Ratchet said with a glare at me. "Now do as I say."

I glared back but turned the rest of my holoform off. Instantly, I felt exposed. It was uncomfortable to have my protoform exposed. But as I looked down at my own body, I knew Ratchet was right. The metal was all dented inwards, making the gaps between my armor even smaller and hiding the wiring and Energon lines.

No matter how many times I saw it, I never got used to it.

"Remember to turn my holoform on when you're done, Ratch."

"I will, Nicole."

I laid back again, already initiating the stasis lock protocols. Dread hung in the back of my mind as I thought of the nightmares, but I reminded myself that this was necessary and that Barricade would be back in a few hours. A small part of me cheered up at the thought.

As I closed my optics and let myself relax, I heard Prowl suddenly curse in Cybertronian before what sounded like the Med Bay doors open and an angry Jazz start shouting very obscene things at Prowl about where he was going to be recharging for the next week.

I went into stasis lock smiling.

* * *

><p>When I opened my optics, prepared to see the Youth Sectors, I got a surprise.<p>

I wasn't at the Youth Sectors. I was back in the room where I had first met Jazz, the gray room with glyphs moving all over the walls.

I sat up, confused. This was…different.

"Confused, Nicole?"

I jumped, body automatically tense and my weapons coming online. But as I turned around, my spark sang with joy as I saw the mech I loved with all my soul.

Barricade.

I leapt up and practically jumped in his arms, hugging him with everything I had. In my dream, he was my size but still in mech form. I had my legs and arms wrapped around him, squeezing him like I was afraid I would be pulled away.

He laughed, running a servo through my holoform's hair. "Miss me?"

"Frag yes." I murmured into his neck. I reached for him through the bond-

And felt nothing.

I froze, feeling my spark go cold. I pulled back to look into Barricade's faceplates. Same faceplates, same quirky half-smile–

But his optics were blood red.

Instantly I let go of the mech who was not Barricade, scrambling backwards as I hit the floor. The mech looked exactly like Barricade. Every detail screamed Barricade. Except the red optics. Fear and shock started to take hold. This wasn't Barricade. This wasn't my sparkmate. This was someone else, _something _else entirely.

Not-Barricade took a step towards me, arms open and still smiling. "What's wrong, Nicole? It's me, your beloved sparkmate."

I shook my helm, optics wide. "You're not Barricade."

The mech laughed, sounding just like Barricade. "What do you mean I'm not Barricade? Of course I am. I'm right here, Nicole."

My back hit the wall. I just kept shaking my helm. "You're not him. You're not Barricade."

His expression turned a bit concerned as he got within reaching distance. "Are you alright, Nicki? You don't look very well."

He reached out as if to touch my face, but I slapped his servo away. "_Get __away __from __me_," I growled.

Not-Barricade's concerned expression turned to looking hurt. "Nicole, it's me. Barricade. Your mate."

Anger started to burn in me as I pulled my legs up to my chest so I was as far away from the mech as possible. "I know who my bondmate is, and _you __aren__'__t __him_."

The mech watched me for a moment, his expression frozen, before he suddenly smiled.

There wasn't any warmth to the smile, just cold, cruel joy. His ruby optics sparkled with malice. "Maybe there is some ounce of intelligence in that pretty little processor of yours, Nicki."

I suddenly found it hard to breath as the mech leaned closer into my personal space. That voice. It sounded exactly like that one that had spoken to me in the cemetery over a year ago when I had visited my grave. The words still echoed in my nightmares sometimes, always reminding me.

_Even good can be corrupted, femme._

"Who are you?"

"Wrong question," he said with Barricade's voice, and yet not Barricade's voice at the same time. "Besides, what matters is who you see me as. Now, you see me as your bondmate. Am I the real thing? How can you tell?"

I tried to melt into the wall. It didn't work. Feeling very sick to my stomach, I said, "You aren't him. You don't look like him."

"Do I?" The mech smiled gleefully and tapped beside his ruby optics. "Barricade had these at one time, too, sweetspark. You've seen them before, both in that field and in your dreams."

He stopped, looking thoughtful. "But those weren't dreams, were they, Nicki? They're memories. AllSpark memories." The mech suddenly smiled again, looking as if it was all some joke. "Which means that, _yes_, you're mate was once a killing machine."

The anger that had been growing slowly flared brighter. "That was a long time ago."

I might as well have not said anything. "Barricade killed sparklings, younglings, femmes, caretakers. You saw that all and still make up excuses for it."

If I wanted, I could have punched the mech in the faceplates. But he looked too much like Barricade for me to do that. I swallowed, feeling cold. "If he's such a monster, then what are you? You aren't exactly a saint either if you're parading around in peoples' dreams and screwing with their mind."

Not-Barricade just stared at me for a second before laughing out loud. I just stared at him, wondering what the hell he found so incredibly funny about any of this.

After a few moments, the mech looked back to me, ruby optics glittering. " 'What am I?' _That _was the right question to ask. But do you really want to know, Nicki? You may not like what you learn."

"I _do_ want to know, fragger, now tell me!"

The mech with Barricade's body shrugged, holding his servos out. "Your slow spiral to insanity, then."

_Yes, _I thought, _maybe __I __am __just __going __insane. __That __would __explain __a __lot._

He snorted. "Trust me, femme, you'd be able to explain the universe if everyone was simply insane."

I glared at him. "Don't read my thoughts."

Not-Barricade shrugged. "Can't help that, sweetspark. See, what I am is just the darker side of you. Every little greedy, jealous, malicious thought that goes through your helm makes me what I am. I'm your every fear, doubt, and nightmare, rolled into one. I am that darker side of you that just wants to kill everything. When ever you think of something that makes you angry, _that _is me. So I can't help the fact that I hear your thoughts."

I stared at him. This mech that looked like Barricade…was my evil side. Jazz had told me once that everyone has an evil side, some people just keep theirs under lock and key better than most. This mech was all that anger I ever felt, every fear, every tainted thought that went through my mind.

Oh, God. He was _me_.

"I don't believe you," I said shakily. "This didn't happen when I was human, and just started happening now. For all I know, you're another nightmare."

He held up his servo, counting on his fingers. "One: I technically _am _a nightmare, just one with a mind of it's own. Two: the only reason you didn't hear me when you were human was because you weren't completely AllSpark."

"But the AllSpark didn't tell me about you."

"Because I didn't ever bother the AllSpark. _You_ created me, with all your anger and doubt. Your emotions are too human. As the humans say, I'm your inner demon." He flashed a quick smile, showing off sharp, pointed dentia. "Now, three: the only reason I'm popping up now was because I was waiting for the right moment to push you over the proverbial cliff."

"And why would now be the right moment?"

The manifestation of all my nightmares laughed, the sound anything but pleasant. "Trust me, you're about to find out."

I didn't trust him, no matter how much he looked like Barricade.

I took a deep breath, trying to make myself calm. If what he said was true, then he was feeding off my anger. "I'm going to wake up now, and never see you again, in my dreams or reality."

As black started dance around the edges of my vision, he leaned closer, smiling. "But tell me this, Nicole: If I really am your inner demon appearing in your dreams, then what really is reality?"

And I ignored him, not out of spite, but because I didn't have an answer.

* * *

><p>I felt myself slowly coming out of stasis lock. I held myself still, resisting that nearly overpowering urge to jump up and find Barricade so I could make sure it had all been a nightmare, that my mate still had beautiful blue optics.<p>

In my opinion, this had been the worst nightmare yet. It left my spark feeling like a chunk of ice in my chest.

But I couldn't help but wonder. If the mech that said he was my inner demon was real, then how could I tell between reality and dreams?

Again, I had no answer.

"Nicole, I know you're awake, so open you're optics."

I jumped at Ratchet's tired voice, my optics snapping open. The neon yellow mech was looking over a datapad, optics flitting back and forth over the data. I stretched, pausing to make sure that the Energon line feeding in my arm wasn't twisted up. "Okay, so I'm up. What's the news, Docbot? All good to go?"

He scowled at the name, but still didn't look up. "You have an anomaly."

I stopped, already halfway standing. "A what?"

"Anomaly. There's something out of the ordinary in your spark chamber or around it. I can't see it clearly on the x-rays I took, but whatever it is, it's not supposed to be there." He tapped something on the datapad and sent an automatic ping to the lights to go dim. I watched as he projected a hologram of my x-rays into the air.

_How __interesting. __My __internals __look __like __that __old __box __computer __that __Taylor__'__s __mom __ran __over __after __she __got __a __new __one,_ I thought with a slight amazement that I even remembered that 'old damn stubborn computer'. As Taylor's mom had put it.

Ratchet pointed to a small blob on the x-rays, so close to my spark that it might as well have been part of it. "That. That's the anomaly."

I squinted in the darkness at it. "It's a blob."

He made a small noise that reminded me of Prowl when he was dealing with the twins. "It would appear to look like that, yes."

I looked at Ratchet now, optics wide. "Ratchet, it's a _blob_."

He scowled at me. "We just clarified that, Nicole."

I gestured back to the x-ray. "Exactly. A _blob._"

The medic sighed. "I fail to see the point here."

"Are your scanner lens clean? Because it could just be a blob on the lens…"

Ratchet looked like I had just insulted his title of CMO. Then again, I sort of had.

"Nicole Witwicky, I _assure _you that my lens are clean. Besides, a blob on the lens would not even look like _that_." He emphasized on 'that' by pointing at it with a little more enthusiasm than necessary and his finger went straight through the hologram.

I was torn by a sudden urge to either scowl in irritation or start giggling like Taylor after too many glasses of wine. My laughter ended up winning.

Ratchet gave me quite an odd look, but went on. "_I_ am the medic here, and if I say that is more than a blob, it _is_. Got that?"

I tried hard to stop laughing. I really did. All I could really do was grin. "Sure, Ratchet. Whatever you say."

"So you'll open your spark chamber so I can look?"

I got a little more serious at that. Absently, my servo reached up to stop right above my spark. I trusted Ratchet, of course. But no bot likes the feeling of having their spark chamber open and exposed.

I sighed, but accepted my fate and laid back down. "Fine. Go ahead."

I shut my holoform off (another sigh at that particular part as I watched my recently full Energon reserves drop a quarter) and sent the commands to unlock my chestplates and open. It took a bit longer to open my spark chamber, since there's just about a million pop-ups that appear on my HUD, warning against opening my spark chamber. But as I did, I heard Ratchet send a command to the doors to lock so no one could walk in unexpectedly. The lights remained dim since he would be able to see from the light of my spark. I half wished he'd turn them back on, because it gave me an ominous feeling and that was never good, especially since it was making me feel sick to my tanks again.

"Are you ready, Nicole?" Ratchet asked. I was barely able to see him through the pop-ups.

"Yep," I said with a slight smile as I continued shutting the pop-ups.

My spark chamber opened and bright white light lit up Ratchet's faceplates. In the year and a half since I had died, I'd come across quite a few differences between me and every other bot. One of the things I had learned was the difference in sparks. A regular bot's spark was a bright blue color, almost like the Autobot's optics. Even the D-Cons had blue sparks. The Primes had silver-colored sparks, so Optimus had a silver spark. And me? I had a pure white spark, the color of fresh snow. That was how Barricade had described it.

Something about my spark seemed to enchant anyone who looked at it. The few times I had spark merged with Barricade, I had had to snap him out of a trance. I didn't know why it did that, but it made me feel uncomfortable to think that I had that power over a bot.

The only other bot who had ever seen my spark was Ratchet, and he seemed to have enough willpower to snap out of the trance himself. I was glad, because it felt awkward for me to have to do it myself.

I held myself still as the neon yellow medic leaned closer, humming in thought. He suddenly went still, very still. It was enough to scare me. Was it bad? Frag, I didn't even know what _'it' _was!

Ratchet suddenly lurched back, bumping into the med berth behind him and scaring me enough to make me jump. "Ratchet?" I asked, starting to worry about the blank look on his faceplates.

The CMO wouldn't look at me. Instead, he was still staring at my spark. I strained to see it, but could only see the bright white glow. I gave up and looked back to Ratchet, frowning. I started to sit up. "Ratchet-"

"Don't sit up," he said sharply, servos coming to cover his faceplates. "Lay back down and just…give me a moment."

If there was ever one thing I never expected to hear from Ratchet, it was 'Give me a moment'.

But I did as he said, mostly because it was worrying me so much.

One minute passed. Then two minutes. Then three.

"Ratchet?" I asked, wondering if I should call Prowl or someone. "Please answer me. What's _wrong?_"

After a few moments, the medic lowered his servos from his faceplates.

And he was _smiling_.

"No," he said, optics bright as his smile. "This is most definitely not wrong, it's _right_! Nicole, you've _sparked_!"

"Wha?" I said as my processor struggled to process that last sentence.

Ratchet bent closer to me, still smiling in a very scary, non-Ratchet way. "Nicole you've sparked! Do you know what this means?" When I didn't say anything, he said, "A sparkling! Nicole, you're going to have a _sparkling_!"

...And the world abruptly stopped.

* * *

><p>Me: *grins* Well, who expected that?<p>

All Me's: *raise their hands*

Me: Besides you all.

All Me's: *collective groan and put their hands down*

Me: Good. Now, honestly, tell me if any readers expected it. Don't be shy! Even you lurkers out there!

Random Me: I don't see anyone.

Abusive Me: No shit, Sherlock. Can we add 'Stupid' to your name?

Me: Guys, would you all just shut up for a moment? Jesus, it's like trying to talk at a monster truck rally.

Random Me: OOOOH, I like monster trucks!

Abusive Me: No one cares.

Nice Me: I do!

Abusive me: You don't count.

Me: ...Right. But, anyways... So, if you liked this, REVIEW! I love reviews! More than anyone. And it you want to makes bets on the gender of the sparkling, go ahead. I'm going to put a poll up for it. And I swear, Barricade will be in the next chapter! Fluff... Yay. ^_^

**All you LURKERS out there, I challenge you to review! Got that? Just drag your mouse and clicky the button there...**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

Nicole POV

Right now, I felt like I had when I had watched them lower my human body into the ground:

Detached. Distant. In shock. Not there.

"Nicole, can you hear me?"

Ratchet's voice broke through my trance and I blinked through the haze. "Yes."

"So… You heard what I just said, correct?"

I nodded, looking at the ceiling of the Med Bay. "Yeah, I heard it. I just…"

"Can't believe it?" Ratchet's faceplates entered my field of vision, smiling gently. "If I didn't see it with my own optics, I wouldn't believe it either. But… It's true, Nicole. You're sparked. You're going to have a sparkling. You and Barricade."

I nodded again absently. Then I blinked again as an idea made its way through the haze. "Give me a mirror."

Ratchet looked startled. "What?"

I sat up, ignoring the frown the medic sent me. "Something shiny, reflective. Please, Ratchet. I have to see it for myself."

He hesitated, but after a few moments he went to a drawer and pulled out a tray that I guess was used for setting tools on during surgeries and such. It was too big for me to hold by myself, no matter how strong I was now, so Ratchet had to hold it up for me.

And there it was. Slightly blurred, the bright shine of my spark reflected off the tray. Next to my spark, so small that I almost mistook it for part of my own spark, was a tiny little spark that was a milky blue color.

I stared at it, trying to come up with one comprehensible thought. The first one to surface was:

This was what Barricade and I had created, this was _our _sparkling.

Oh, Primus.

I don't know how long I sat there just staring at my spark and the growing sparkling, but what snapped me out of it was the tray moving away and a gentle hand on my shoulder. I shut my spark chamber and chestplates and turned to see Ratchet's holoform watching me with kind eyes and a small smile. "Congratulations, Nicole."

I stared at him for two seconds before cracking a shaky smile. "Umm… Thanks?" I could feel the Energon tears springing up in my optics.

He chuckled softly and took my servos in his holoform's hands. "Confused? Shocked? Scared?"

I looked at our joined hands and whispered, "All of the above."

The Hatchet cracked a smile. "Do you want time to think it over for a bit before you tell everyone?"

I blinked. "_Me_ telling everyone? Pit no. I'm telling Barricade. You're telling everyone else." Then I realized something. "Oh, _hell._ How am I supposed to tell _Barricade?_"

Ratchet chuckled again, but I had a feeling this time it was because of my personal suffering. His holoform put a hand on my shoulder. "_That_, Nicole, is what you will have to figure out yourself."

I glared at him, but he went on. "Now, we need to get some things straightened out." His holoform suddenly disappeared and his optics lit up again.

I had a feeling that whatever it was, I wasn't going to like it.

* * *

><p>"No <em>transwarping? <em>Ratchet, that's insane!"

So far, I'd been okay with everything he had told me. I'd be tired, more tired than usual. I'd probably have to consume more Energon than usual, too. And I'd have to have a certain type of Energon, with additives. He had already given me a cube which I had drank while he explained and it had worked wonders on my tank. There was the chance that I'd still end up purging, but that was tolerable. Plus, I'd be moodier than before and more emotional.

But no transwarping? As I had said before: _insane._

Transwarping for me was like iPhones for other people. Addicting. The thought of no transwarping for who knows how long sounded…impossible.

He shot me an annoyed glance. "Nicole, I have no idea what it could do to the sparkling if you transwarp. The ability to transwarp was so rare on Cybertron that they didn't teach the specifics for a transwarping _carrying _bot."

I thought rapidly, trying to think of a way out of this. The proverbial light bulb went off. "Look at Skywarp! His carrier was a transwarper! The AllSpark knowledge told me so." To emphasize my point, I tapped the side of my helm.

Ratchet threw his servos up in the air. "Why, thank you, Nicole! You just provided me with the perfect example!"

"And just what is that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, _please, _youngling. You know what I mean. Have you met Skywarp?"

Yes, I had. And I knew that there was something cross wired in his helm.

Ratchet went on, his expression softening. "Nicole, what if you're using part of the sparklings' spark energy every time you transwarp? We have no way to tell if it's safe or not. If you transwarp too much, you might end up burning up the sparklings' spark. You can't afford the risk."

I stared at him in horror. "Ratchet, I wouldn't do that-"

"-purposely, I know you wouldn't. But we can't gamble with something like this sparklings' life! This is the first sparkling in… Primus, I don't even remember how long."

I smiled. "Memory is the first thing to go, Ratchet."

He shot me a look that said, 'If you weren't sparked up I'd hit you right now'. I swear I saw his servo twitch towards his subspace where there was no doubt a wrench.

I sighed, smiling at the normality. "Alright, Docbot, no transwarping. Now can I ask questions?"

"No. I'm not done." He grabbed up the datapad he had been using and entered a few things I couldn't see. It was a few moments before he looked back to me. "Okay, so how long has it been since the last time you and Barricade spark merged?"

I tensed, the forced myself to relax. "Two weeks and a half weeks ago yesterday."

Ratchet typed something on his datapad, then frowned and stopped. "Wasn't that the day that you brought Barricade in the Med Bay because his processor was locked up?"

My servos clenched. "Yes."

The medic looked up to me, still frowning. "You never told me how he managed to frag his processor up like that, Nicole."

"I know."

He stared at me expectantly. "Well?"

I stared back innocently. "Haven't you heard of mate-mate confidentiality?"

"You've got to be kidding me." When I didn't say anything, he sighed and rolled his optics. "Fine. I'm going to leave it alone, then. But that's the third time, Nicole. Another time and I swear I'll make you tell me."

"I'm fine with that." Okay, so that was a lie.

Ratchet huffed, but went back to his datapad. "So the sparkling is only a two and a half weeks old. There's a three month gestation period and three different cycles. Right now, you're just in the beginnings of the first stage, which is just what you're experiencing now. And, considering how much Energon you've been consuming, apparently the symptoms hit early. The second stage is when you start to form a bond with the sparkling and can feel the emotions coming from it. This should be the time when you start to get an idea of it's personality. The third stage is when you start getting more activity from the sparkling because it's preparing to detach."

"That's going to hurt a lot, isn't it?"

Ratchet grinned wickedly. "Sure is."

I sighed. "That's…great."

Still snickering, he turned back to his datapad. "One last question, Nicki. How many times have you spark merged with Barricade?"

I stared at him. "Do you _really _have to know that?"

He glared back. "Yes, I _really _do."

I scowled, but said anyways, "…Three times."

Ratchet stared at me like I was crazy. Then again, that probably wasn't far from the truth. "_Three_ times? Nicole, no wonder you've been drinking so much Energon! New bondmates need to spark merge many, many times before the bond sets in! And you've only spark merged _three_ fragging times over the past year and a half? It's a miracle one of you hasn't gone slagging insane-"

He suddenly stopped in mid-rant. Ratchet wasn't stupid. Then, after several moments, he said slowly, "You've only spark merged three times."

I nodded, hoping he wasn't going down the train of thought that I had in mind. "Yes."

He went on as if I hadn't spoken. "And Barricade has came in here three times, each time because he fried his processor worse than Red Alert."

Damn. He _was _going down that train of thought.

Suddenly Ratchet scowled at me. "What are you doing to him?"

I gaped at him. "_Me_? _I _didn't do anything! It's the stupid AllSpark energy that fragging knocks 'Cade out every time we spark merge!" Then I realized what I said and faceplanted, groaning. "_Crap_."

Ratchet stared at me. And stared. And stared.

Then burst out laughing.

I sighed and promptly put my helm in my servos. It was official. Ratchet loved to mock others' personal suffering. Why else would he be a medic? Because with the way he was laughing so hard, I sure didn't think that he did it for the benefit of knowing he helped someone.

The laughing continued for maybe two minutes, and the whole time I was thinking of how Barricade would kill me. But after two minutes of contemplating my death by bondmate, I looked up with an annoyed scowl and said, "Done yet?"

Ratchet at this point was wheezing. In between wheezes, he gasped out, "Shut up…glitch."

I had started to consider calling First Aid to tell him he was CMO now because I had broken Ratchet by the time the neon medic calmed down. He was still had that slag-eating grin that Sideswipe wore when he managed to worm his way out of something.

I sighed again. "Okay, so let me ask you something: What did you find so funny about the fact that I can't spark merge with my bondmate?"

He snorted. "Nicole, why didn't you tell me in the first place?"

I found a sudden interest in poking the blue gel pad covering the med berth.

"…Were you embarrassed?"

My helm snapped up to glare at him. "Yes, okay? I was, and Barricade- Well, I don't even know _what _his problem was, he just didn't want to tell anyone."

Ratchet chuckled lowly, rubbing his faceplates with his servos. "Well, Nicole, there is nothing to be embarrassed about."

"Oh, really? You really showed me that when you were laughing your aft off just a minute ago, Hatchet."

"I was laughing because the fact that you've hidden it this whole time just because you can't spark merge without frying your mates circuits. But if makes you feel better, I'm sorry."

"1) It doesn't make me feel better. Do you know how straining it is on your relationship with your bondmate when you knock them out every time you spark merge? Why do you think Barricade's been taking missions halfway across the globe? 2) You sure don't look sorry with that grin on your faceplates."

Ratchet smiled, a good genuine smile. "Whether I was sorry or not, Nicole, I think I know why you fried Barricade's circuits. It can take dozens of times for normal bots to kindle a spark. It only took you and Barricade three times. I think what happened was that you were trying to release so much AllSpark energy while you spark merged that it fried your mate. The reason you were releasing so much energy was because you were trying to create a sparkling."

"But, Ratchet, I wasn't _trying _to create a sparkling."

"I know," he said nodding, "but haven't you said yourself that the AllSpark energy seems to have it's own intentions?"

I'll admit it, I had. Why else would I have certain dreams at different times?

I sighed again, rubbing my faceplates like Ratchet had early. "So you're saying that it meant to create the sparkling for it's own intentions?"

"Yes."

If there was a way I could sit the AllSpark down and have a talk about _asking my permission_ before getting me sparked up, I would.

But as it was, I just had to sit back and wait for every little surprise to show itself. Joy.

* * *

><p>Ratchet let me go with strict orders to rest and not do anything stupid and some additives for my Energon. He said that he'd tell everyone else after I had told Barricade, which would maybe be in a few hours if all went right.<p>

He'd also said to not stress about anything. Like it _wasn't _hard to stress around this place.

The Med Bay doors swished shut behind me. For a moment I stared at the opposite wall, thinking over the past hour. But at the moment, my processor felt fried, so I pushed it to the back to my mind and kept walking.

It was still pretty early so there was only a few soldiers and mechs roaming. I said hi to a few of them, the whole time wondering if they'd treat me different if they knew I was carrying the first sparkling in… Well, a very long time.

And then I remembered something.

I was supposed to meet those soldiers that I had debriefed last night.

_Crap._ I sighed and quietly growled at myself. The urge to punch something arose, but like Ratchet had told me, I counted backwards from ten and didn't hit something. Prowl would just have to deal with the soldiers himself because I was tired, mentally and physically.

My pedes guided me to the Rec room. Well, I say my pedes, but the hunger probably had something to do with it. Just before I set pede in the Rec room, I made myself invisible. I wanted to get in and out as quickly as I could, and do it without attracting too much attention.

As it turned out, the only mechs in the Rec room were Jazz and a flame-colored mech that I hadn't seen before but I knew was Hot Rod from the AllSpark. I felt bad for not saying anything to Jazz, but I wasn't in the mood to be teased.

So I quietly started to make my way to the Energon dispenser that was just my size, courtesy of Wheeljack (we were placing bets on when it'd explode).

* * *

><p>Hot Rod was bored.<p>

So far, his arrival on Earth had been boring. Not one thing had happened. Well, besides him getting debriefed by Jazz. And he was just like every other sane mech, so he could only take so much of cramming protocol and rules into his processor. Hot Rod had been given his quarters, but it wasn't like he could sleep. He had expected Earth to be a million times more interesting than one of Kup's drill routines. He'd only seen the occasional human so far since it was late last night when he'd gotten to base.

Slaggit, Hot Rod hadn't even seen the fragging AllSpark, which had supposedly been resurrected with a mind of it's own. They hadn't exactly gone into details with explaining that whole thing…

And here he was with Jazz now, drinking his morning ration of Energon while the TIC went on about more protocols. Hot Rod sighed as he scanned through the human Internet, only keeping half an audio and optic open.

A small movement out of the corner of his optic had him turning his helm with little interest.

…And then all thought process ground to a halt in Hot Rod's processor.

He shut down the web pages he'd been browsing, reset his optics, and looked again. No, it was still there.

"Jazz," he asked, interrupting the silver mech, "do you see the floating Energon cube, too?"

The TIC stared at him for a moment before looking in the same direction. Sure enough, there was a miniature glowing blue Energon cube floating in mid-air next to the Energon dispenser made specifically for Nicole.

Jazz chuckled, scanning for Nicole's signal. Yeah, that was her. But he wondered why she had decided to stay invisible and not say anything. Had she just gotten out of the Med Bay? Guess it's time to find out, he thought.

Jazz turned to Hot Rod, smiling. Over the comm. link, he said, ::Hot Rod, I wanna introduce ya ta someone. Remember how I said that the AllSpark had been born inta another form?::

Hot Rod just nodded.

::Well, the AllSpark was reborn inta a protoform. But it came back with the personality and mind of a deceased human named Nicole Witwicky, daughter of Sam and Mikaela Witwicky.::

::So, wait, you're saying that the AllSpark is a human?::

::Technically, no. She's got the same mind and personality as she did when she was a human, but she's like us. She's jus' got a permanent holoform covering her frame, so she looks human.::

Hot Rod just started at him for a few seconds before saying flatly, ::That's so confusing.::

::It gets easier ta think 'bout after a while.:: Jazz grinned. ::Ya ready ta meet the AllSpark, Roddy?::

The younger mech frowned at the nickname, but nodded.

::Great!:: The silver saboteur bounced out of his seat and around the table towards where the Energon cube was still floating in mid-air.

As Hot Rod followed him, he said over the comm., ::Just one thing, though: don't comment on her size. She's kinda touchy 'bout that.::

* * *

><p>Nicole POV<p>

I lazily twirled a finger in my Energon, mixing the additives. I had nearly started drinking it without the additives because I had forgotten, but a wave of sickness hit just in time to remind me.

It amazed me some times, I thought as the additives dissolved, how quickly life can change. Becoming the Host, finding out I was going to die, then actually _dying_, being resurrected, and now this. The past year and a half had gone by quickly, that was for sure. I paused in my musing as thoughts turned to Barricade. How would he react to this sparkling? Happy? Horrified?

I was hoping for the former.

Footsteps approaching from behind told me that I had been noticed. I glared at the Energon cube in my servo, wishing I had been able to turn it invisible and go totally unnoticed.

"Hey, Nicki, ya just get outta the Med Bay?"

I didn't do anything for a moment, wondering if Jazz would get the message and go away if I waited long enough.

"Aw, come on, Nicki. Don't be like that."

I sighed and turned around, turning the invisibility off at the same time. Jazz grinned at me, crouching so he was nearly my level, while Hot Rod stayed standing with a wary look on his faceplates. "Hello, Jazz, Hot Rod."

Hot Rod looked surprised that I knew he name while Jazz just continued to grin. " 'Ello ta you, too. Ya get outta the Med Bay with a good report?"

I looked down at the Energon in my servo, slightly discolored from the additives. "Yeah, you could say that, I guess."

"Good. I'm glad that you're okay."

I looked back up to Jazz. "Did you get on to Prowl?"

The saboteur's smile turned sharp. "Yeah, I did. And he ain't going to be gettin' in his office for a few days."

I smiled. "I thought he'd end up sleeping on the couch."

"Nah, I changed my mind after I realized how much I'd miss him." Jazz winked at me, half of his visor going dim, before standing again. "Nicki, I want ya to meet Hot Rod here. He came off the _Ark _last night. Hot Rod, this is Nicole Witwicky, the AllSpark."

We both stared appraisingly at each other for a few moments. The silence was broken by Hot Rod.

"You're so _small._"

I bristled instantly while Jazz did a facepalm. I hated it when the Autobots teased me about my height. It wasn't my fault I was reborn short. And I sure didn't see them teasing any other humans. Barricade had made the mistake of teasing me and he had slept on the Rec room couch for three days.

While I glared daggers at Hot Rod, Jazz looked back at him with that look on his faceplates he usually had after dealing with the twins or myself. "Ya really don't listen, do ya?"

Hot Rod pointed at me like it was somehow my fault that he had opened his mouth. "Well, she _is _short, so I'm just stating the facts!"

The TIC sighed. "I can see why Kup recommended ya for transfer."

I huffed, crossing my arms and not spilling the Energon. "I can, too."

The flame-colored mech scowled at me for a moment, then had a look of realization. "And she's a femme, too! Why is the AllSpark a _femme_?"

I gaped at him. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Jazz groaned and stared at the ceiling. "Primus, ya're an idiot, Hot Rod."

I raised my servo. "I agree."

"Nicole, shut up."

I glared at Jazz. "Why should I?"

"Because," he said with his visor dark in irritation, "ya're the slaggin' AllSpark. Ya should be tryin' ta make nice with new bots instead make enemies."

"But he started it!"

"Gee," the silver mech drawled, "if only I had a nickel for every time I heard that."

Hot Rod, apparently, was still stuck on the fact that I was a femme. "Why is the AllSpark a _femme_? That doesn't even make sense…"

I switched focus from Jazz to Hot Rod and glared accusingly at him. "Sexist."

He glared back. "Shortie."

"Jerk."

"Midget."

"Jackass."

"Femme."

"Son of a-"

"Okay," Jazz broke in happily with a grin, "Nicki, why don't ya go ahead and get on ta yer quarters and rest 'fore ya start tryin' ta kill each other. I'm goin' ta finish up with Roddy here and see ya later, 'kay?"

Both Hot Rod and I continued to glower at each other. After another moment or two, I mumbled, "Fine."

"Great! Tell 'Cade I said hi when he gets here."

"Sure." I nearly transwarped just so I could show off to Hot Rod that I really was the AllSpark, but then the cube of Energon in my hand reminded me of why I couldn't. So I sighed and started walking.

It seemed like I was going to be a lot of that from now on. Sighing _and _walking.

* * *

><p>"That went well."<p>

My servo clenched around the Energon cube at that voice. This couldn't be happening.

The mech that was not Barricade but looked like him materialized right in front of me, my size, and walking backwards. "Hello, Nicki. Miss me?"

My optics narrowed at him. "Go away, fragger."

"Gee, it's a pleasure to see you, too," he said with a hurt look. Then he smiled wickedly. "Congratulations."

I ignored him and kept walking, wanting oh so badly to plant my fist in his faceplates, but that would be the same as hitting Barricade.

He continued to walk backwards so he could face me. He had a casual look on his faceplates. "So, you can see why I chose now of all times, huh?"

Confusion swirled in my processor at the statement for a few moments. Then it clicked in place and I stared at him in shock. "You knew I was sparked."

The mech with Barricade's frame shrugged. "Well, I am your darker side and reside in your subconscious, and you wouldn't believe all the information that passes through there. It's sad that your own subconscious noticed you were sparked and you didn't. But, yes, I knew."

I stopped dead in the hall, ignoring the look that a soldier sent me. Something inside me doubted that anyone else besides me could see the mech. I relished in the small look of surprise on his faceplates at my sudden stop. "And you said you were choosing now to push me over the edge. Because I'm with spark."

He nodded, bright red optics looking bored.

Call it maternal programming kicking in or just plain rage, something made me lash out at the mech. He disappeared before my blow landed, surprise flashing across his faceplates again. Part of me was glad he disappeared. I didn't want to live with knowing I had willingly hit a mech with Barricade's faceplates, no matter how much difference there was between them. The other part wanted to beat the mech to death for implying that he was going to use _my _sparkling for a plot.

I sat there in the middle of the hallway, ignoring the weird looks from passing soldiers and glaring at the small puddle of Energon I had spilled on the floor at my pedes. That protective urge made my weapon systems come on and my vents whirr harder. Apparently this parent thing kicked in faster than I thought it would.

Suddenly I felt his presence at my shoulder again, though I knew if I turned he wouldn't be there. He leaned closer, invading my personal space in a way I only let Barricade. Air brushed against my holoform's ear.

"Do what you want, Nicole. Try to hit me all you want, you can't. You can curse me, call me names, but let's face it: I am _you_. You might as well be damning yourself. Besides, it'd hurt you too much to hit your own mate, wouldn't it?"

I heard the subtle cracking of the Energon cube as my fingers tightened dangerously around it while I stood stock still. So many things were going through my helm right now. Horror, fear, and anger were the most distinguishable. I was barely able to whisper, "Who are you?"

I felt two servos come to rest on my shoulders. He leaned closer.

"Your worst nightmare, Nicole. _Yourself._"

* * *

><p>Ten panicked minutes later found me sitting in my quarters again, legs dangling off the edge and helm in my servos.<p>

This was making me question my sanity. Which I think was exactly what he wanted me to do. Fraggit, it was working. After all, who imagines a mech with the body of their mate but with red optics and a warped personality?

Apparently a really twisted person.

But what scared me most was the fact that it all revolved around my sparkling. I hadn't planned on this sparkling, hadn't expected it, and felt far from being ready for it, but programming that I never dreamed of having was stirring up and making me scared out of my mind. I'd do anything to protect this spark. It wasn't just my sparkling, it was Barricade's. It was a piece of him, and I'd be damned before I let harm come to it. And to add to the importance of this spark, it was the first sparkling in…a very long time.

A loud knock at my human door had me looking up. "Who is it?"

"Captain James Clark, ma'am."

I tilted my helm curiously. The name sounded familiar. "Do I know you?"

"You debriefed my squad last night, ma'am. I was told to report to you earlier this morning, but the Autobot Prowl told me to wait a few hours."

Well, darn. And I had been hoping Prowl would deal with it.

I huffed a little, getting up to walk to the ladder that had been installed to the berth for yours truly in case I couldn't transwarp. I guess I'd be using it a lot now, too.

As I climbed down the ladder, I sent the command to the door to open. "Hold on a sec."

It took me more than a second, but the Captain patiently waited for me. Once I had gotten closer to him, the thought that I would have thought he was cute if I hadn't already been bonded crossed my mind. Blonde hair made startling blue eyes stand out against tan skin that probably meant he'd been stationed somewhere hot before being transferred here. He looked stiff, and for a moment I felt sorry for him. My back struts ached at the thought of standing that stiff.

I crossed my arms and tried to bring back the drill sergeant face I'd had last night. "Look, um, you'll have to go back and visit Prowl. I don't have the files printed out on paper, just have them in here." I tapped my helm. "And I'm going to rest for a few hours. He should be able to get them for you, though."

A confused look crossed the Captain's face at my weird answer, but he asked in the same polite tone, "Ma'am, is there perhaps a computer you could fax the schedules from? I could go to the printer as they come off."

I blinked. Why hadn't I thought about that?

I smiled at the Captain. "Sure. You remember where the mail room is from last night?"

"Yes, ma'am," he said with a small smile.

I could get used to the 'ma'am' thing.

"Great. Just head over there and I'll send them. And if an Autobot named Red Alert gets onto you for being in there, just tell him I sent you there."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Good." I clapped him on the shoulder, which was kinda hard, because he was taller by a few inches. "Well, looks like my work is done. If you have any further questions, ask for me, Prowl, Lennox, or Epps. Good day."

And then I shut the door in his face.

Not rudely. I just wanted to have some peace, from the outside world and my processor. Is that too much to ask for?

Obviously it is, I thought as I heard _another _knock on my door five minutes later, this time the Transformer-sized one.

"What the frag do you want? If it's Prowl, whatever it is now isn't my fault. If it's Jazz, Hot Rod better not be out there with you. If it's Ratchet, leave me alone. I just escaped the Pit you call a Med Bay, I'm not going back for awhile."

"I believe option B was the correct answer, Nicki," Jazz said all too cheerfully from outside the door. "And, no, Roddy ain't out here."

"Good." A pause. "I still want you to go away."

"Aww, don't be like that. After all, I just came ta tell ya somethin' I'm sure you'll be jumpin' for joy ta hear."

I raised my head from my pillow and wearily looked at the door. "What now?"

Jazzs' voice tsked from out the door. "Uh-uh. You gotta open the door up first."

I sighed, but sent the command as I sat up on my berth. When the door slid open, though, all that greeted me was an empty hallway. I frowned. Something was missing here. Like a certain saboteur. "Jazz?"

A silver-horned helm dropped down from the ceiling to stare at me upside down. "Ya got yer weapons put away?"

I glared at him. "Did you really think I was going to shoot you because you knocked on my door?"

The saboteur dropped from the ceiling as he deactivated his magnetic amplifiers. "Way ya sounded when ya answered woulda made any sane bot think the same. Ya been bitin' the helms off everyone lately."

"How mature of you."

"Ya hear who's talkin', smartaft?" He sauntered in my room, a grin on his faceplates. "Guess what, Nicko? Yer fairy of a mate is waitin' for ya at the front of the base."

I perked up at that. "He is?"

"Yep. I'd walk with ya, but I've got a meetin' with the Bossbot on whether or not I should let Prowler back in his office."

I was already making my way down the ladder. "That's okay, Jazz. I've got it. Good luck with keeping Prowl out."

"Thanks, Nicki. Tell the fairy I said hi."

"He hates it when you call him a fairy."

Jazz laughed as I pinged my door to shut behind us. "If he don't like it, he should've picked some other frame without the wings."

"The 'wings'," I said with air quotes, "are sensor panels, and I happen to like his frame like it is."

The saboteur took off walking in the opposite direction. "Whatever ya say, Nicki."

* * *

><p>"Barricade?" I called as I reached the main hangar. The only occupants were a few human soldiers talking with a very muddy Bumblebee.<p>

"Hey, 'Bee, where's Barricade?" I asked as I strode up to him.

"_I see you've forgotten about me already_," he played from the radio with a static laugh in the background. Using his real voice, he said, "What, no 'how was the trip'?"

I lightly punched his leg armor (as high as I was able), smiling. "Fine, how was the trip?"

"Terrible. I've got mud in places I didn't know exis-" his sentence ended in static. Frowning, he rubbed his throat. "My vocalizer's been acting up lately."

"You should go see the Hatchet and have him check it."

Bumblebees' mock horrified look was enough to make me laugh.

Getting serious after a few moments, I said, "Really. You should."

He shrugged. "I will. Sooner or later. But I think Barricade went to the wash racks. I still have to report to Prowl. You think he's in his office?"

"No, he's not. Jazz locked him out of his office because he snuck out of their quarters while Jazz was recharging to work some more. Prowl should be in Optimus' office, getting ready to argue his case."

Bumblebee huffed, rubbing his faceplates. "…Great. Do you think I could wait a while before I reported to Prime? I don't want to be there when the storm breaks."

I smiled. "If I was you, I'd go just to see a free show."

"You've got a point there. If I do, I'll record it for you."

"Thanks, 'Bee." I patted his leg again, which sent dried mud flakes raining down. "I'm going to go find 'Cade now. You need to hit the wash racks yourself."

"Gee, thanks, Nicole."

"You're welcome!" I called over my shoulder as I started walking towards the wash racks.

* * *

><p>It was only until I stood outside the wash rack doors that I asked myself, <em>How am I going to tell him?<em>

Before I could answer myself, arms wrapped themselves around me suddenly and I was lifted up. I did something that was a cross between a scream and a laugh because my mystery captor had hit all my ticklish spots just right. Squirming, I tried valiantly to twist my helm around and see who it was, but had no luck.

I felt the persons' breath tickly my holoform's ear as they leaned close to me. "I've been waiting for you."

I laughed out loud, loving the feeling of being so close to my mate. "Barricade, you jerk, put me down so I can kiss you."

Barricade did as I said. As soon as both pedes were touching the ground, I had grabbed my bondmate and kissed him before he could say a word.

Effective and enjoyable.

And then the kiss was over. The fluttering feelings of nervousness returned as I peered into my bondmates' holoform's optics. Bright Autobot blue, not blood red.

I let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding.

"Someone missed me," Barricade murmured as I linked my servos in his holoforms' hands.

"I did," I said with a small smile. I pulled him backwards towards the wash racks entrance. "Come on, let's talk somewhere more private. We can lock the doors."

As soon as we were in the wash racks, I sent a command to lock the doors. Meanwhile, Barricade's holoform disappeared and his bi-pedal mode held out a giant servo for me to step in. I took one look at his servo and shook my head. "No."

His confused look was cute. "What?"

"I'm not getting in your dirty servo. You realize how dirty you are, don't you? Now, transform."

He did as I said, looking more than a bit like I had kicked him. After he was sitting in his alt mode again, I just stared at the dirty Mustang that used to be my black-as-night mate.

Then I grinned. This was going to be fun.

* * *

><p>Wash racks for the mechs connected to the washing area that the soldiers washed different vehicles dirtied from missions and even a few personal vehicles (Lennox, Epps). Humvees were among the most frequent vehicles to visit, and I'd even washed a few of them when I got bored. This meant that there was human sized equipment to wash vehicles. The equipment had a wide variety of waxes, polishes, brushes and sponges, provided by either the military or the soldiers who used the wash racks for personal use. And, of course, water hoses good for both washing a vehicle and getting into a water fight with Taylor and Willow.<p>

I got Barricade to follow me there where I told him firmly to sit still while I gave him a good carwash.

As I got the soap prepared, I tried to think back to the last time we had done this. Three, four months ago? With Barricade being gone so much, I had lost track. We used to do this every two weeks after discovering how fun (and wet) it could be. But ever since things got tenser between both of us…

I pushed those thoughts from my mind as I turned the hose on. This was a happy moment, not yet to be ruined by my negativity. As if reaffirming this, I sent a wave of love through our bond, now wide open and pulsing strongly. I got the same feeling sent back from Barricade, coupled with the feeling of being distracted.

I sighed as I turned the water hose on. If he was talking on the comm. again or doing something else… As I sprayed the hose on my servo to check the temperature, I suddenly had an idea.

You'd think it would be impossible for a car – even a Transformer – to show emotion in car form, but Barricade proved this theory wrong when I sprayed him with the ice cold water hose.

He shot back several feet, nearly hitting the wall, and sank down on his tires, engine growling loudly. "What. The. _Frag!_ Primus, Nicole, that was freezing! What'd you do that for?"

I gave him my best innocent face. "Why, to wake you up, dearspark."

Barricade was silent. Then: "…You're just _asking_ for payback."

I laughed but adjusted the temperature on the water to something more comfortable. "Is this okay?"

Before I could spray him again with it he turned his holoform on and grabbed the water hose from me. Spraying it briefly on his hand, he nodded. "I guess." As I started to take the hose back, it _accidentally _went off. And sprayed his holoform's face.

And I swear, it really _was _an accident.

For a moment, he just stared at me with _that _look. Then, wiping the water from his face, he said very flatly, "Thanks."

My servo flew to my mouth, but only to cover my smile. "I swear, it was an accident."

"Sure it was. Like it is _every time_, right?"

"No, it really-"

This time Barricade laughed and flicked water in my face. "Just get on with it, Nicki." As if cuing me to start washing, he turned off his holoform and rolled closer again, settling on his tires for what I planned on being a long and productive car wash.

So with a smile, I point the hose at him and started spraying.

* * *

><p>I had sprayed all the soap suds off his frame and was watching the dirty bubbles go down the drain when I said in what I hoped was a flat voice, "Barricade…we need to talk."<p>

The music he had been playing abruptly cut out. "I know."

My gaze shot to him. "You do?"

He sighed, sounding more tired now. "Yes. Starting with an apology."

I continued to stare at his alt form, totally lost.

Barricade rolled forward until his bumper nudged my leg gently. I felt a slight prodding through our bond coupled with a feeling of apology. "I'm sorry, Nicole. I…didn't mean to be gone that long."

Oh. He was talking about how we left things before he took that last mission. Part of me was relieved. Part of me wanted to bang my helm against a wall because I still hadn't told him about the sparkling.

"Barricade, you don't have to apologize, okay? I know that things have been tense because of us not being able to bond, but-"

"You know I don't blame you for that, don't you?"

I smiled, momentarily forgetting about telling Barricade. I leaned down and gently kissed his squeaky clean hood. "Yes, Barricade, I know. But I think that's all fixed now. I have to tell you something, okay?"

"I'm not going to just let it go."

"You should. What I need to tell you is really important."

"And what I have to tell you is important."

"No, you don't understand, this is _really _important-"

Suddenly the air in front of me shifted and Barricade's holoform appeared, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me close. He sighed and leaned his forehead down to touch mine. "Nicole, I promise I won't leave just to get away from…this, okay? I won't run instead of staying here to face whatever slag is happening."

I was quite happy to stay like I was forever, but this wasn't about just me, was it? So I sighed and tried my best to look into Barricade's wonderful blue eyes. "I never said you were running, 'Cade."

"It felt that way."

I stood on the tips of my pedes and planted a kiss on his nose. "I didn't bond to a coward, you thick-helmed dolt. You needed time by yourself, just like every other person or bot does. Dealing with my crap can take a toll on someone, I know. You aren't at fault for being like every other sentient being with half a processor."

He smiled, that cute little half-smile that was one of things I had fallen in love with when I was human. "And what about you?"

"Me? I have alone time."

"When?"

"...Recharge?"

"But I thought you had nightmares. And you still haven't told me what nightmare was bothering you enough to block it from me."

I bit my lip, wondering if I should tell him or not. Then I realized what a mistake that would be if I didn't. That was one of the key reasons Barricade left anyways, wasn't it? And he had apologized for his part; it was time for me to get mine in order. I had to do this.

…Even though I really, really, _really_ didn't want to.

As I studied Barricade's face, I asked, "Do you really want to know?"

"Yes, I do," he said firmly, "It's bothering you more than you're acknowledging, and I have to know to help you."

I sighed. _Well, here goes nothing_. Forcing the words out was harder than I thought, but I managed to say quietly, "I've been having nightmares about the youth sectors."

Realization clicked on his face. Squeezing his eyes shut tight, he muttered, "Slag."

I nodded. "Exactly."

"Nicole, I-"

I shushed him. "Barricade, I know that if you had been given a choice, you wouldn't have done it. But Megatron was already going insane then, and he didn't leave room for choices." I gently lifted his face, waiting for him to look me in my optics. "I didn't tell you because I knew you'd feel bad about it. I know what it's like to have that kind of guilt weighing you down all the time. It's hell. I don't hold you account for it, okay?"

Barricade's cerulean blue optics took on a faraway look. "…Most of us…didn't want to do it. But it was either do it and not die, or not do it, die, and the youth sectors would still be attacked. There were a few sick fraggers that enjoyed it, though." As he said this, the color of his eyes darkened to a burning blue.

"But that's all in the past, isn't it?" I said with a small, sad smile. "I forgive you for it, 'Cade. The _AllSpark_ does. Don't let it get you down."

He smiled again, though it was small, and his arms tightened around me. "Do you know how lucky I am to have you?"

"As lucky as I am to have you, maybe?"

"Exactly."

It felt good to get that off my chest, but my smile dimmed a little as the reminder that I had to tell Barricade about the sparkling prodded me. My mate noticed and frowned a little. "What's wrong?"

My optics fell to his chest as I considered exactly how to tell him and tried not to think of his reaction. Again, that question of 'What if he doesn't want it' came up. I tried to ignore it because it made telling him that much worse.

Stalling, I asked, "Can you transform? I need to tell you something, and I want to see your face while doing it."

Barricade frowned a little more, but his holoform disappeared and he started to transform. My tanks dropped a little as soon as the comfort of his arms was gone, but I clenched my servos and stood straight.

As soon as he was looking me in the optic, I took a deep breath and said, "Barricade, I'm spa-"

And abruptly choked, because my vocalizer decided it was going to act up because of my nerves.

Watching me choke, Barricade frowned. "You're what?"

I glared at the ground, rubbing my throat. After a few moments of glaring a hole in the floor, I made sure my vocalizer was back on, looked back to Barricade, opened my mouth-

And nothing came out.

Frustrated, I turned and punched the wall as hard as I could. Some of my anger was doused at seeing that it was a damn good crater where my fist had been.

I turned back around and started to say what I'd been trying to say all along, but suddenly my comm. pinged, the ID showing Sideswipe. Opening it up, I snapped, ::Whatever the hell it is, _you're on your own_.:: Just as quickly as I'd opened it, I shut it down.

I rubbed my faceplates, huffing. Fate was trying to screw with me, I just knew it. Why else would this be so hard?

After a moment of calming down, I turned to Barricade again, feeling more tired than I had a right to.

And wouldn't you know it, my fragger of a bondmate was laughing at me.

Well, not really; he was just smiling. But that's just as irritating.

Flatly, I said, "Stop smiling; you're only ticking me off more."

Barricade stopped, but I could feel immense amusement coming through the bond and he wasn't trying to hide it.

I sighed. "Barricade, I'm sp-"

My comm. pinged and this time they didn't wait for me to open it. It was Prowl. ::Nicole, Sideswipe says you-::

Have you ever just lost it? Wanted to tear your hair out? Wanted to hit something solid? Wanted to chew a certain frontliner's helm off literally and verbally?

Then you can imagine my feelings at the moment.

Snarling down the comm. at Prowl, ::I don't give a fragging _damn_ what that idiot says! If he says I did something, there's a damn good eighty-five percent that_ I didn't do it_ and _he _did! Now would you both leave me the hell alone? I'm trying to slagging _say _something, and that's turning out to be harder than shooting Starscream in the optic!::

Turning to Barricade, I nearly shouted, "Jesus Christ, Barricade, I'm carrying a freaking sparkling!"

And he just stared at me, almost smiling. Then it sank in…and he stared. And stared. And stared.

"Barricade?"

"Sparkling- You-," His optics widened to an impossible size, "Oh, Primus, _I_-". One of his optics twitched, and in the next few moments I was staring a glitched Mustang laying on the floor of the wash area.

Silence rang through out the room and the comm..

Then I realized, Oh _shit_, the _comm._-

Across the comm. link, the sound of a certain tactician glitching could be heard.

…_Crap_.

* * *

><p>'Kay, then, people, let's get this done.<p>

(Not that I don't enjoy talking to you lovely folk. ;D)

It's 2 AM here, and I'm running on pretty much nothing, so it's just me this time. And that also means that any mistakes that are usually ones I don't make are the fault of drowsiness.

So. Long chapter is long. But I wanted to pack all this different stuff in, and I promised a reader that 'Cade would be in this chapter, so voila. :) Besides, I wanted some fluff right now.

Was ze chapter funny? Fluffy? Scary? Terrible? Me likes reviews...

If you think that the mech that's harrassing Nicole is scary as shit, raise your hand and review. (*raises hand* I scare myself sometimes. With both writing and toasters.)

If you want a mech for the sparkling, say so.

If you want a femme for the sparkling, say so.

If you want TWINS, say so.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

Nicole POV

"Barricade? Barricade, babe, please wake up. Ratchet's going to kill me if he sees that I crashed both you and Prowl. …Please?"

I might as well have been talking to a wall. My mate's processor was still locked up from me telling him about the sparkling. And, if the sounds I'd heard from the comm. link were anything to go by, Prowl had, too. But he wasn't even _supposed_ to hear that, it was just my stupidity and frustration that had made me slip up.

My comm. pinged again. I opened it while staring down at Barricade, wondering what the hell I was going to do. ::What?::

::What in the Pit did you say to make Prowl lock up like that? Frag, I want to know so I can try it!::

I sighed at Sideswipe's excited voice. ::I'm not going to _tell _you, idiot.::

::Why not? I can pay you-::

::Because you'll find out later, and I _sincerely _doubt it'd work the same way for you. Besides, I like Prowl and I wouldn't do that purposely to him. Or Barricade.::

The frontliner snorted. ::From the way there's sparks coming out of his helm, I'd say you did it on purpose. And what does Barricade-:: He suddenly broke off, staying silent for only a few seconds. Then, ::Sunny just told me that Jazz glitched out for no reason, too.::

::_What? _Him, too?:: The AllSpark in me helpfully supplied the option that maybe Jazz had been listening to the comm. conversation through his and Prowl's bond and had heard it at the same time. …Which meant that he was one more bot that would have a hard time believing it and one more reason for Ratchet to kill me. I groaned out loud. ::Frag. I'm in some deep shit now.:: I paused in my self-pitying as a thought came to me. ::Wait, where's Jazz? He was supposed to be in a meeting with Optimus and Prowl. And why is Prowl with you instead?::

There was a long pause from the other end. Then, in a very flat voice, Sides said, ::Red Alert had an accident with a giant can of silly string during the meeting. Prowl had to leave early. He thinks I did it.::

::Did you?::

::What do you think?::

::Yes, and you were going to blame me for it, weren't you?::

::…No?::

::That sounds so convincing.::

::Fine, I was, but don't tell Prowl.:: I could practically hear Sideswipe's grin. ::When he wakes up, of course.::

* * *

><p>::You've got to be kidding me.::<p>

That was the first thing Ratchet said to me when he came to get Barricade. I had commed him and told him that I had fritzed my mate when I told him about the sparkling, but had left out the part about glitching Prowl. I had been telling him over a private comm. link what had happened while First Aid helped him pick Barricade up on a giant stretcher. This whole time he had been silent with a neutral expression as I explained, but as I told him that I had accidentally glitched Prowl by saying it over an open comm., he stared at me like I couldn't have done a stupider thing in the world.

And yet I had managed to go _beyond_ that by glitching Jazz, also.

…Maybe it wouldn't hurt if I didn't say anything about that.

When I had just stared back at him after he had said I was kidding, he just shook his helm, grumbling. First Aid, polite and not-nosy mech he was, kindly just kept his faceplates blank since he couldn't hear the conversation. Glaring at me as he walked backwards out of the wash rack, trying to keep hold of the stretcher, Ratchet said in a sharp tone, ::Nicole, I've already got to get silly string out of Red Alert's joints and defrag your mate's processor. And now you're telling me that you glitched Prowl at the same time because you _forgot to close the damn comm. link_?:: His voice through the comm. raised as he went on.

I was walking fast, trying to keep up with them as we walked past a few questioning mechs and soldiers, but managed a sheepish, ::Yes.::

Ratchet snarled wordlessly out loud. Both First Aid and I winced. ::I swear to Primus, if you weren't sparked up, I'd knock your helm so fast that-:: The neon medic suddenly cut off and my tanks sank, knowing why he had.

After a few seconds of listening to the comm. link, Ratchet looked back down to me and sent a look scary enough that Unicron would have turned tail and ran. ::_You are dead_.::

I was starting to think that that would be true in a few minutes.

* * *

><p>"How in sweet Primus' name did you manage to fry <em>three<em> different mechs processors at the same time? That _has _to be a new record!"

Ratchet had managed to at least calmly dismiss First Aid, lock the Med Bay doors, and even get the proper tools to defrag three processors.

But that was as far as his patience went.

I stared at Ratchet with wide optics, keeping my mouth shut. He looked at me expectantly. "Well?"

I blinked. "Do you really want me to explain it all over again?"

The look he sent me made me shrink a little in my seat on the med berth beside Barricade's still form. After a few more moments of my shrinking and his glaring, I asked, "Would it make you feel better if I said sorry?"

"No," he snapped curtly, servos on his hips, "unless it would magically defrag three mechs processors, it _wouldn't_."

I winced.

Before either of us could say anything else, there was a small ping as someone requested entry to the Med Bay. Then a loud voice said, "Special delivery of a SIC and TIC! Payment of two cubes of high grade?"

I don't think I've ever been so glad to hear Sideswipe's voice.

Ratchet shot a nasty look at the door as it slid open to reveal a scowling Sunstreaker. He had a limp Prowl's arm slung over his shoulder, half dragging-half carrying him. Behind him, a grinning Sideswipe had Jazz slung over his shoulder and his other free servo cupped around something. "Come in and get out. _Quickly._"

Sunny just returned the dark look and dragged Prowl through the doorway, dumping (literally, _dumped_; I felt worse when I heard the clang Prowl's helm made on the berth) him on the med berth across from Barricade's so that their pedes were facing each other. Sideswipe, on the other hand, decided to be difficult as always. With as straight of a face as he could manage, he stepped in the Med Bay, then stepped right back out. "Was that quick enough, Ratch?"

I snickered at the look on the medic's faceplates. He growled ominously, but it had no effect on the silver frontliner. "Sideswipe, you idiot of a glitch, just be _smart_ for once and do what I say."

"Whatever you want, Hatchet." Smirking and not bothering to hide it (cheeky glitch), he stepped back inside the Med Bay and put Jazz on the berth beside Prowl. It was kind of creepy to see both of them side by side, optics dark.

While I was focused on the two officers, Sideswipe dumped out his cargo from his servo. Which just happened to be my gray and white grouchy cat, Spice. With a bright smile, I scooped her up in my arms and kissed her little glaring face. "Hello, Spicey. Where have you been all day?"

I could feel Sideswipe's stare. "Am I the only one who finds that creepy?"

From across the room, Sunstreaker snorted.

Cradling my cat like a human baby, I flipped them both off.

Ratchet had ignored the question entirely, instead inspecting Prowl's helm to see the damage out. "You've done what you were supposed to, now get out."

"But aren't you going to, like, lecture her, or something?" Sideswipe asked, gesturing to me. "I want to see it!"

"Sideswipe. Now."

Sunstreaker, the twin that obviously had more than half a processor unlike his brother, was already striding towards the door. But Sides continued to push Ratchet's buttons.

"Aw, come on, Ratchet! Please? I want to see you chew her out!"

The medic had moved from Prowl to Jazz. Without out looking up from the saboteur's helm, he said flatly, "Sunstreaker, kindly remove your brother."

And with what I could see was a smug smirk, the golden frontliner grabbed the back of Sideswipe's neck armor and started to drag him out, all while his brother shouting obscenities in Cybertronian. I smiled as the doors swished closed and what sounded like a shoving fight started outside with much growling and snarling.

Ratchet shot a glare at the door. "Primus, I don't see why I keep repairing the same idiots over and over again."

"Because you love watching them suffer after they nearly kill themselves, maybe?"

There was a slight pause before I heard a low, "Maybe."

* * *

><p>Ratchet promised to comm. me when he was done fixing all three mechs so we could 'sort out the mess that my stupidity had caused in the first place'. Which would be an hour or two. So I took my cat and went searching for my two best friends in the world:<p>

Taylor and Willow.

Despite what every high school drama queen I had met had told me, it was entirely possible to have more than _one_ best friend. I had living proof. They both irritated me sometimes, pushed my buttons as much as they could, and could make me downright murderous if they tried hard enough.

But it was good to have someone willing to put up with the baggage of my friendship.

After five minutes of trying to convince Red Alert that I wasn't planning anything suspicious by asking where Taylor and Willow were, I learned that they were together in the least expected place to find them:

The base kitchen.

I pushed past the swinging doors into the quiet kitchen. It was only used twice a day, morning and night, so the morning cooks were gone, leaving it eerily quiet.

Which didn't last long.

A loud banging noise broke the silence and made Spice jump in my arms. I sighed as a high-pitched giggling echoed through out the kitchen. Looking into Spice's wide green eyes, I told her, "Insane, aren't they?"

"_Mrrow_." That could have meant 'Yes, they are', or 'You're talking to me, so doesn't that make you insane?'. Since I didn't speak Cat, I didn't know of course, but I set her on the ground so she could bolt if she wanted.

My cat followed me around the corner and past the gigantic steel refrigerators into the main part of the kitchen. There was a steel island with pots and pans hanging above it and ovens and grills along the wall with two big sinks full of dirty dishes. On a different wall, there were steel cabinets that were under a steel countertop.

And on that metal countertop sat Taylor, cross-legged and playing with her phone.

"Taylor?"

She looked up with a smile, blonde curls bouncing. "Nicki! Where've you been?"

I shrugged as I made my way to her, pulling myself on the counter next to her. "Here, there. …Where's Willow?"

I jumped nearly two feet in the airwhen Willow's voice echoed from the cabinet underneath me. "I'm under here, Nicole. She won't let me out."

Loosening my grip on the counter edge (there were indentions where my fingers had been), I tried to get my wildly pulsing spark under control and glared at Taylor. "Explanation. Now. Before I hit you."

She knew I'd do it, too, so sticking her phone in her lap, she said quickly, "Well, Sideswipe said-"

"Sideswipe is an _asshole_," Willow snapped, sounding irritated.

"Sideswipe said that Willow was acting weird last night and that I should watch her while he had monitor duty today, and so I went to go get Willow, and she _was _acting weird. So I brought her here to see if she'd eat something, but she didn't want to. But my mama said that food's the best remedy so I tried to get her to eat and we got into a fight and she called me a blonde, and you know that makes me mad. So I took her phone and she chased me until I threw it under here and she crawled into get it and I slammed the door shut and now she's stuck." Taylor sucked in a deep breath. "And she can't come out 'til she apologizes."

Willow's fist (or foot) hit the countertop under us, making it vibrate. "_Apologize_? For what, your idiocy or Sideswipes' idiocy?"

I hummed. "You are acting odd."

"_Odd_?" She snorted. "This is called PM-freakin'-S, smartass. Lucky you, you're a damn robot. You don't have to deal with it." There was another loud band as she hit (or kicked) the cabinet door again. "Damn it, let me out!"

"I don't know, Willow." I tapped my fingers against the top. "Are you going to be nice? That comment about being a robot sort of offended me."

She told me the human equivalent of 'Frag you, Nicole'.

I sighed but reached down and slid the door back. "Happy?"

Willow fell out but stood up as soon as she could. Her clothes were disheveled and her cherry red shoulder-length hair stuck up at odd angles. Her hair color matched her face color and expression. Immediately her glare went to Taylor. "Lock me in a cabinet again and I'll burn all of your shoes."

I laughed while Taylor looked shocked.

* * *

><p>"So you shot Starscream in the optic last night?"<p>

I nodded, looking over the rim of my Energon cube at Willow where she sat on her bed in the room she shared with Taylor. I was sitting on Taylor's bed while the blonde sat beside me and spoiled my cat by brushing through her fur. The room was…odd, I guess you could say. Taylor's half was neat, everything organized and in the right place. Willow's side was messy, bed unmade and clothes shoved here and there with a few empty microwavable trays set in odd places. It looked like a college dorm room shared by two opposites.

"Yeah, but I wasn't actually aiming for his optic…"

Willow snorted, sipping her hot chocolate. It was amazing what a cup of the stuff did to her attitude. Her normal tan complexion had returned, making her hair seem brighter. "Still funny."

Taylor cooed over Spice, smiling. "Aww, you guys, don't talk about shooting people around little Spicey. She's took sweet for that stuff." As she said this, the blonde gathered up Spice in her arms and squeezed her to death.

I looked at her flatly. "Tay, don't spoil my cat. She's already too fat and lazy for her own good."

The blonde-haired girl looked horrified and covered Spice's ears. "Nicole! You'll hurt my baby's feelings!"

Hearing the word 'baby' made me stop as I remembered the tiny spark growing in my spark chamber. Again, every doubt I had came rushing back.

…Damn. Sometimes it downright frustrated me at how quickly a good moment could go downhill around here.

A high-pitched squeal broke me out of my thoughts. Taylor was sucking on her thumb where Spice had apparently bit her.

"She bit me!"

"Really, Sherlock?" Willow asked slowly.

"_Yes_," Taylor said, inspecting her thumb with wide eyes, "really! Didn't you see her?"

The red head made a disgusted noise and rolled her eyes as she reached for a packet of popcorn. "Screw this, I'm making popcorn. Yell if Taylor gets any smarter in the next five minutes."

"Willow," I said with a frown, "she can't help it if she's a bit air-headed. Be nice."

The blonde beside me slouched. "I'm not that air-headed."

Willow snorted. "This, coming from the person who thinks its fun to set firecrackers off in Rec room and nearly cause a full-scale base alert for Decepticons."

"That is fun. Everyone freaks out." She gave me a look. "And I said sorry!"

"Sometimes," Willow said icily as she turned to the door, "sorry isn't enough." And with that final note, she slammed the door shut.

The room was as quiet as a tomb. Part of me was shocked at how Willow was acting. She was sort of on the bipolar side, happy as could be one moment, and downright grouchy in the next. But this…was different. This didn't seem like her usual mood swings. I mentally made a note to ask Sideswipe about it later.

Beside me, Taylor let out a small sigh as she ran her fingers through Spice's gray fur. "She's not in a good mood."

I held myself back from retorting something along the lines of 'Thank you, Captain Obvious'. "Do you know why?"

Taylor didn't look up.

"Tay?"

She sighed again. "Willow and Sideswipe got in a fight."

"About what?" Whatever it was, it had to be really serious if Willow was still mad. Usually, they just exchanged a few insults, cooled off, then made up in…well, whatever way they made up in. Sideswipe must have not thought it was that serious since he was acting like his usual annoying self.

The blonde shrugged. "I don't have a single clue, Nicki."

This time I sighed and rubbed my face with my servos as if that would scrub away the grim feeling that started to grow inside me. As if there wasn't enough going on, I had a most-likely-clueless twin and hot-headed friend stirring up tension.

…Sometimes, I swear this job did not pay enough.

* * *

><p>"They could wake up any moment now, Nicole."<p>

I snapped back to attention as Ratchet spoke. Again, I had started day dreaming while he continued to drill on about anything and everything you could think of that related to sparklings.

And now that the moment to confront three of the most important mechs in my life with the news that I was sparked had come, I felt sicker than when I'd purged in the clearing.

Ratchet went around to each of the three mechs, tapping their helms as their systems began to boot up again. "Showtime, Nicki."

"…Ratchet, I think I'm gonna be sick."

"Can't have that, can we?" Before I could reply, he placed a small metal trash bin beside me. "Try _not_ to throw up. I like my Med Bay the way it is."

I hugged my arms around myself as chills spread ran up my arms from the sickness and glared at him. "Hey, you try being AllSpark for two weeks and see how you like it."

Ratchet matched my glare, putting his servos on his hips. "Oh, really, youngling? I'd like to see how well you would fare in my job for two weeks. Can you reattach limbs to a pair of stupid twins who get themselves near killed every week? Or fix a too-stubborn-for-his-own-good tactician's processor after he glitches because of the insane idiots I have deal with around here?"

"You _are_ one of those 'insane idiots', Ratchet."

"Don't try to throw this back at-"

A sudden groan broke into our argument. "_Frag_. What the hell screwed with my processor?"

I snickered at the look on Ratchet's faceplates. "He goes by the name of Ratchet, Jazz."

Said medic shot me a venomous look.

There was a series of grunts as Prowl suddenly sat up unsteadily, looking less than happy as he wagged his doorwings up and down (which was actually pretty funny to watch). "Ratchet, how many times have I told you to be careful so that my doorwings are not smashed by my own weight?"

The neon medic leaned back again the med berth next to Barricade's, crossing his arms and giving Prowl a dry look. "The same amount of times I've told you to not glitch so I wouldn't have to worry about your doorwings."

A grin threatened to break out on my face, but another wave of sickness hit and my servos clenched into tight fists. "Ratchet," I said tightly, "you wouldn't happen to have anything to make me feel a little less like I'm going to purge?"

He grumbled, but moved towards one of the many cabinets full of medical supplies. "Haven't you been using the formula I gave you in your Energon?"

"Yes, I have, for your information. I'm not that stupid."

Ratchet gave a disbelieving snort, but continued to measure out the right amount. As I watched him work, a heavy silence settled over the Med Bay and that creepy feeling of being watched started to make me twitch. Getting that knowing feeling, I risked a glance at the TIC and SIC.

Prowl had his optics narrowed at me in that glare that he usually saved for the twins and Jazzs' visor had deepened to a dark, angry indigo.

Ouch.

"Nicole," Prowl said, voice flat, "would you care to explain?"

I clasped my hands, putting on my innocent face. "No, I think I'd rather not. Ratchet?"

The unhelpful medic laughed. "You dug this hole yourself, so get yourself out of it."

"Jesus, I swear you are the most unhelpful medic _ever_-"

"I'll keep that in mind when your sparkling arrives, Nicki."

I flinched.

There was a sharp intake of air. "Primus, please, please, please, please, _please_ tell me I heard that wrong."

"Okay, Jazz, you heard it wrong."

Ratchet gave me _that_ look. "Nicole. Truth. We've had the truth discussion four times already."

_Seven if you count the times Prowl had the truth discussion with me._ I thought with a vague sense of amusement.

"You're sparked." The way Prowl said it so calmly would have made you think we were discussing the weather.

I literally heard Jazzs' cringe. "What the f-"

I stared at Prowl, surprised. "Thank you. You saved me the trouble of saying it."

His doorwings flicked, almost like saying 'you're welcome'.

Jazz, however, wasn't taking it as well. The silver saboteur groaned loudly, dropping his helm in his servos. "This isn't happening. I swear, if this is the Twins sick idea of a prank, there aren't going to be enough parts left to find of them." A pause. "Primus, _please_ tell me this isn't happening. Is it?"

"Yes, Jazz, it is." Ratchet said blandly as he handed me the formula to ease my tanks.

The TIC only groaned louder as if that could block out the truth.

His bondmate, on the other hand, looked fairly normal and not…glitchy. With a sigh, Prowl absently rubbed his chevron and flicked his doorwings again. "Well. This is surprising. But not unexpected."

Jazzs' helm snapped up to stare at him. "What the Pit are ya talkin' about, 'surprisin' but not unexpected'? She's carryin' a fragging _sparkling_, and you're only _surprised_? What the hell is _wrong_ with ya?" Without giving Prowl time to answer, his gaze whipped around to me. He looked more than a little crazed. "Do ya know who the sire is?"

This made Ratchet bust out laughing while I stared back, offended. "What the frag does that mean? I'm bonded to only _one_ mech, Jazz."

His gaze slid to Barricade's still form beside me. "Wait, _him_?"

I threw my servos up. "Well, couldn't be anyone else, now could it?"

Jazzs' servo took on a dark tint. "He got ya _sparked_?"

I groaned as I saw where this was going. Ratchet, who was being more unhelpful than ever, was leaning against the counter and wheezing with laughter.

Prowl frowned at his mate, completely ignoring our conversation of Barricade being the sparklings' sire. "I am only surprised because I expected this. Just not so _early_."

"_What?_" That statement made Jazz, Ratchet, and me look at him.

He straightened as everyone's attention turned to him. "I expected Nicole to be sparked. It's only logical seeing as she's AllSpark, the giver of life. I just didn't calculate it to happen this early." The SIC sent me an icy look. "A warning might have been nice before you sparked, Nicole."

This time I jumped up, hands on my hips and defiant as ever. "Why does everyone assume it's all my fault? It was the AllSpark that did it, it just needed me and Barricade to merge!"

Ratchet nodded, a smirk still lingering. "It's true. It only took three spark merges for her to spark."

Silence followed his statement, the only sound was the mechs' systems. It was broken by Prowl's low hum. "That _is_ an unusual amount of times to merge."

The CMO snorted. "When it comes to that femme right there," he pointed at me, "and her fragged up mech of a mate, everything is unusual."

Jazz still looked _very _dazed. "Third time's the charm."

"Seriously?" I asked, glaring at him.

He returned the glare. "Mute it. You an' I are going to have a talk about warning bots before ya tell'em ya're sparked, and then I'm going to have a talk with yer _bondmate_ about asking my permission."

"Permission? Who said we had to have your _permission_?"

"_I_ did, so ya're gonna have to ask for it."

"That's ridiculous-"

"Ridiculous is getting sparked without planning on it. Do you know what all comes with a sparkling?"

"_This isn't my fragging fault!_"

"Ya're carryin' the sparklin', aren't ya?"

"Oh my _God_, you are impo-"

"Would both of you just shut _up?_" Ratchet snapped, interrupting our argument-turned-shouting-match. "Jazz, even as stupid as Nicole is sometimes-"

"Hey!"

"-even she would have asked first. This was the doing of the AllSpark. We think the reason it only took three times for her to be sparked was the excess energy the AllSpark was giving off. Each time that Barricade and Nicole sparkmerged, the amount of energy the AllSpark released would make Barricade lock up-" Ratchet shot a glare at me, "-which would have been _nice to know_."

I just glared back sullenly.

"Back to the point… The AllSpark was trying to create the sparkling on purpose. So, for once, this is not Nicole's fault."

"Thank you! Finally, someone who realizes that not everything that goes bad around here is my fault."

They ignored me, instead processing what Ratchet had said. The sudden quiet left room for me to hear something I had missed before.

"Ratchet, shouldn't Barricade be awake by now?"

My question made him frown. "Yes. Why?"

I stared at him. "Well, _duh_. He clearly isn't awake."

"Oh. That."

"Yes, that."

"Well, kick him in the helm and see if that works."

"What? I can't kick my mate in the helm!"

Jazz suddenly raised his servo, an evil grin on his faceplates. "I can."

Ratchet ignored him and sighed, coming closer to Barricades' berth. After a few moments of scans and more frowning, the medic looked at me. "Nicole. Listen."

Even more confused than I already was, I did as he said. And then heard what he wanted me to hear.

The gentle, even lull of Barricades' vents.

"…You've got to be kidding me. He's _asleep_."

"Recharging is the correct term."

"I don't care. It's the same thing."

Prowl cleared his vents. "This might be the best chance we have, then."

All of us (the awake ones, at least) looked at him. "What do you mean, 'best chance'?"

The SIC looked at each of us in turn. "Nicole could talk to Barricade while Jazz, Ratchet, and I call together a base meeting to announce the news of the sparkling."

I felt my tanks drop at the thought of announcing to the world that I was sparked. "So soon?"

Ratchet nodded, looking thoughtful. "The sooner the better."

Jazz just grunted, still looking very unhappy.

Prowl must have seen my own unhappy look. "Nicole, you yourself will not have to be there. You can stay here with Barricade while we make the announcement."

"Really?"

He smiled a little. "Really. It is not healthy for a carrier to be stressed, is it?"

I thought that was ironic coming from Mr. Workaholic himself, but I smiled anyways because of how thoughtful it was.

* * *

><p>After Prowl literally dragged Jazz out of the Med Bay and Ratchet had followed them, snickering the whole time, I sat down next to Barricade where I could lean against his armor and feel the pulse of his spark. My nerves weren't as frazzled out they were before when I had first told my bondmate about the sparkling. Maybe that was because I had technically already told him, he'd just crashed when I did. Whatever the reason, I couldn't help but wondering more about his reaction to us being creators.<p>

Unconsciously, I brought my servo to my chest to lay over my sparkchamber, memories of a small sparkling in a Decepticon base springing up.

…Okay, so I technically was already a creator.

I hadn't seen Stryker since the day I died. I had no idea if he was sick, healthy, happy, or sad. When I had died the creator bond had broken, leaving me with no connection to him and no clue as to whether or not he was doing okay or not. The only reason I knew he was alive was because of the AllSpark intuition. And if I wanted, I could probably make the bond again, but…some part of me was scared of doing it.

I hadn't told anyone about Stryker, not even Barricade. If they knew, the Autobots would do everything in their power to retrieve him. Not because he was a sparkling, but because he was like a lethal weapon for the Decepticons. A lethal weapon I had created. Even though I had made sure he wouldn't gain access to his powers until a certain age, I knew it was only a matter of time. And even though I loved the Autobots as my family, I knew that they'd see Stryker as a weapon more than anything. Megatron meant for Stryker to be a weapon.

And as much as I wanted to form another bond with the sweet little sparkling, I knew I couldn't. There was always that off chance that Barricade would find out. This brought me back to a full cycle of guilt. After revealing to me that he was a Transformer, Barricade and I had made a silent, unconscious agreement to not keep anything from each other. I had already broken it by not telling him my nightmares, and now I was doing it again.

With a small sigh, I leaned my helm against Barricade's armor and closed my optics. No matter how much I wanted to make another bond with Stryker, I couldn't. I just couldn't. But I swore to myself that someday I'd make things right and make him my sparkling again.

And as for now… I had a second chance with this new sparkling. Just like my second chance with life.

I wasn't going to ruin it.

* * *

><p><strong>READ THIS! VERY IMPORTANT! <strong>

*nervous laugh* Um… Been awhile, hasn't it?

*dodges brick, then pops up again* I'll take that as a yes.

Okay, I can explain. I've been suffering with some serious shit dealt by RL, writer's block for this particular chapter (though my other bunnies have been spawning with razor sharp teeth), and my education getting in the way. I'm sooooooooo sorry.

I don't like how this particular chapter turned out. Period. T-T The beginning was okay, but after two or three pages my creative side ran away and I didn't touch the document for weeks. And to top it off, I have a MAJOR (it counts for a quarter of my entire grade) Civil War project. It's a behemoth research project, and I'll have to spend more time on it than I will updates. DX It sucks.

Again, I'm sooooooooooooo sorry.

_**On another note...**_ Remember that little Haven of Oneshots I mentioned a long time ago? I need a prompt to start out the first one-shot, and I thought I'd give you people the honor of suggesting something. Whether it's a phrase, a single word, a small summary, or you paint me a picture with words, I'll pick my favorite and post the first one-shot in line of what I hope to be many others. You can leave a review to tell me or PM me. I really don't care. But if you choose a review, be sure to _**log in**_ first. That way I can reply to you to tell you.

Love you all, my wonderful readers! :) Be sure to leave a review with a bunny for me. Thank you.


	5. Author Note Sorry

Dear lovely readers of mine...

If you're expecting this to be an update - I'M SO SORRY. As in, down-on-my-knees-begging-forgiveness sorry.

But life these past few months has been...hectic. Projects, school, family issues, writer's block, my birthday (more complicated than it sounds, trust me), MORE family issues, school being a bitch (including the people that I call 'fellow students'), and - the most recent bomb dropped on me - my dad being hospitalized for who knows how long.

So I've come to a decision in this hospital room, doing something I swore to never to again: dangling the temptation of an update in front of you when its really an author note.

I am so, so, _SO_ sorry. But the reason for this damned author note (as many of you are probably thinking now) is that I wanted to tell you that the update is not coming as soon as I told one of you. Life is being a fantastic bitch. I'm finding it hard to get inspiration with all this craziness...

But alas... I have good news. (Well, in my opinion, anyways.)

School ends next week! Which means days spent at home without stress (I've probably lost five years of my life with all the stress I've had this year), which leads to a sudden burst of inspiration! Yay!

If any of you are wondering, no, it will not be another two months. God, no. That's like punishing myself.

Just...give me a few weeks to get life back in order.

Again, I'm sorry I tempted you all. *sad face* But I'll try to make up for it.

Remember that I love you all, my readers, for this story would not be what it is without you.

If you want to check on my life and updates on how the next chap is going, go over to LJ and look for me under the same username. That is, if I ever get around to posting on that, too. Now, I'm going to go hide from an angry mob of readers...

Sincerely,

Your friendly neighborhood Psyche

P.S. Anyone else find it ironic that my series is called 'Life' and life seems to love dealing out crap to me? I do.


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